Nothing to fear...

see Romans 8:31-39

Over and over again

Did Einstein really define insanity as "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results"?

Actually - he may not have done. It's often attributed to him, but there's not any solid proof that he actually said it.

However, I have been thinking about this phrase for quite a while now. Because I sometimes catch myself relaxing into the same old familiar ways, hoping that, just for once, the outcome might be subtlely different this time...

However, not this weekend.

These past few days have seen a complete change of pace. A bold strategy, which requires discipline, wisdom and courage. I'm way outside of my comfort zone, some of you will be pleased to hear... :)

It's a bit scary.

But, so far, different is good.

Saturday Catch-Up - 6th April 2019

I spent a lot of my time looking at blue.
The colour of my room and my mood:
Blue on the walls, blue out of my mouth;
The sort of blue between clouds, when the sun comes out,
The sort of blue in those eyes you get hung up about.

When that feeling of meaninglessness sets in,
Go blowing my mind on God:
The light in the dark, with the neon arms,
The meek He seeks, the beast He calms,
The head of the good soul department.

I see myself suddenly
On the piano, as a melody.
My terrible fear of dying
No longer plays with me,
for now I know that I'm needed
For the symphony.
(lyrics from 'Symphony in Blue' by Kate Bush)

Putting It Off

I'm awfully good at finding things to do. However sometimes it's not that one job that I have to do.

That really can surprise people. Because I can be very productive when I turn my mind to it. When I'm 'in the zone', so to speak.

And there's the problem. Sometimes I really don't feel like it.

The best way that I can explain this is to go back to the ancient idea that inspiration for great work in the realms of literature or the arts only came from heaven. Try and force your way through a particular job without receiving a degree of divine inspiration - and you're sunk.

• Sometimes I can't find my 'zone', no matter how hard I look for it.
• If I am 'in the zone', then I need to start work now. Get it done, if it's a job around the house. Or, if it's writing, get as much of it down on paper/laptop as I can before it fades; before I lose it.
• If I can't get into my stride when I'm 'in the zone', then pow! Suddenly, I've lost it.
• If I can't get others to buy into what I'm trying to do when I'm 'in the zone', then my enthusiasm wanes because they don't feel like it - so therefore, it soon rubs off on me, so I don't want to do it any more...
• And if I'm drained - emotionally or physically - there's very little I can do. It's just too much. All I want to do is rest, and wait for that inspiration to descend once again. Wait until I'm back 'in the zone'.

The problem here - when I read this all back - is that I see that the problem here is feelings. I don't feel like it. Or others don't feel like working when I want to..

There's also an assumption here, of course. It's an assumption that really productive people are always 'in the zone' - that positive, energetic frame of mind that impels them to start and carries them through all the way until completion. I'm afraid that this is not so.

It needs a bit of willpower as well. An understanding that there are going to be hard times, frustrations, and setbacks along the way. And I guess sometimes that it's my fear of these hard times - and of encountering the people who'd rather muck about than get down to some hard work - that creates some of the biggest hurdles in my life and prevents me personally from staying in 'the zone'. If they don't bother, why should I?

So, sometimes it takes a bit of a push to get me back into 'the zone'.

That's where the following quotes resonate with me:

Rita Emmett, in The Procrastinator’s Handbook, came up with Emmett’s Law:
"The dread of doing a task uses up more time and energy than doing the task itself."

O’Connor’s corollary:
"It’s amazing what you can accomplish when you finally get down to work."

Just a few stray thoughts today. That I had to get down. Or else, lose them completely... :)

It's All Gone Pete Tong

The title for this post is a reference to a piece of modern cockney rhyming slang, a reference to the BBC Radio 1 DJ Pete Tong. It means that "it's all gone wrong."

Sometimes, all the pieces fit. It all comes together. It's all proceeding well. As I often say, "it's going like a well-oiled machine"...

And yet, I'm still not entirely happy.

I'm still looking out for the problem. When things are going well ("perhaps too well" -  why do I say it that way?) - I always tend to be looking over my shoulder for something to go wrong... I don't know where it is - or indeed, what it is. But I know it's there to trip me up...

Ahhh, self-sabotage. There you are again! I'm familiar with the way you operate. Why is it that you show up about now, so that I always end up thinking that way?

Is there somehow something deep inside me that still cries out:  

• "It's never going to happen. Not for you..."
• “I’m not worth it...”
• “I can’t...”
• "Someone else might be able to achieve this, but not me..."
• "I'm just not ready for this yet.."

Is it fear? An overwhelming fear of exposing myself and my point of view to the outside world?

Some part of me that says I don’t deserve to be happy or content?

Or is it a lack of belief -  perhaps I don't have what it takes to make this work?

This is not true. 

I don't need to look over my shoulder. 
I can do it.

I need to keep telling myself. 

Risky Business

There's been a lot of discussion over the past week about vulnerability. It has came up in conversation; as part of this week's Bible Study; as a topic in a recent podcast. It's been cropping up pretty much everywhere! 

And I know it's a regular challenge to me!

I'm quite a private person, as I think most of you might know. I try and keep myself to myself. However, I'm also called to make a difference in this world. Which means I need to do a few things that can make me uncomfortable. It's a risky business...

Can these two aspects of my personality coexist?

You see, I don't particularly want to be vulnerable. I feel vulnerable because I've been hurt before - by people who should have known better! However, I have to make that sacrifice if I am to be true to myself. I want to reach out to help others. And this means leaving myself wide open. 

Please don't abuse this.

“I want to experience your vulnerability but I don’t want to be vulnerable. Vulnerability is courage in you and inadequacy in me. I’m drawn to your vulnerability but repelled by mine.” – Brené Brown)

The Joy Of Missing Out

Through one of the weekly podcasts that I listen to, I've discovered a great truth. And it's based on the way modern society now works. On the FOMO principle. Hat tip to my friend, Don, who loves these sort of acronyms. :)

FOMO has been coined, because of the tactics of 21st Century culture. Because modern day life is filled with a variety of different opportunities. "Try this new product. Come and see this film. Visit our restaurant. We'd hate you to miss out." We are bombarded with ideas and images all of the time.

Sure, I've been sold things via advertising before. I've been subjected to it for pretty much all of my life.

However, here's the difference. Now they'll sell it to you with a large side order of guilt. You're going to kick yourself if you miss this." And it's not only the traditional forms of media that's giving me this message. I get it from my Facebook wall, from the emails pouring into my inbox. Friends will 'like' a particular page, thus producing an ad on my Facebook wall and trying to get me to come along for the ride.  "One last chance to join in. Hurry - this is your last chance. Don't be disappointed..."

It's FOMO they are spreading. The Fear Of Missing Out.

And technology makes it worse. Because we are increasingly aware of what others are doing, and sometimes in minutiae, we become terribly aware of all the stuff that we aren't doing.

Thankfully, one bright spark came up with JOMO.

The "Joy Of Missing Out".

The wonderful realisation that you are not going to be there because you have made a positive choice not to go.

The incredible power that you have when you realise you don't have to do something, just because everyone else is doing it. You can be different. It's more than OK.

The delightful feeling that you have turned down something that matters, because something in your own life matters a whole lot more.

 

If I can truly embrace this - then all of a sudden I am wonderfully empowered - to say No once in a while. And not to feel guilty about saying it.
 

If I can do this, then regret no longer has any influence on me.

Wow!

Talents

Over the summer break, the Corps leadership started on a series of studies about the parables of Jesus. The first was the Parable of the Talents (Matthew 25:14-30). The study certainly sparked a thought or two in my mind! Read the passage here.

In fact, the sums mentioned here were of a staggering amount - a 'talent' is the equivalent of the sum a man could make in over 20 years of work. However, it's soon clear that Jesus is not talking about money - and it is this interpretation which seems to be the origin of the word 'talent' used for an aptitude or skill.

I've spent some time since that meeting considering the servant who had only one 'talent'... In this parable, this servant didn't do anything - instead, he simply buried the money, keeping it safe from robbers but not using it to its full potential. This may seem strange to a 21st Century audience, however burying treasure was commonplace at the time.

The point is, although this servant was afraid to lose the master's money, he was also too afraid to take a risk. Instead, he looked after himself - burying his 'talent' so as not to lose it.

I'm aware of this teaching as being an encouragement to Jesus' followers to use their gifts in the service of God. The Lord wants us to use this, to multiply what He has given us.

However, if we don't share our gifts, if that 'talent' is buried, unused - the Gospel is not shared. It is simply wasted opportunity. Faithfulness is what Jesus requires of us - and all who are faithful will be fruitful in some way. And our eventual reward will be based on that faithfulness, and not results.

What I Fear Most...

Facing Your Fears

Matthew 14:22-33 (NIV)
Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone, but the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it.

During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. "It's a ghost," they said, and cried out in fear.

But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid."

"Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water."

"Come," he said.

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!"

Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?"

And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. Then those who were in the boat worshipped him, saying, "Truly you are the Son of God."

I have blogged on the subject of fear a grand total of eight times since I started this site. This entry makes nine.

There's so much that I am challenged by from the above bible passage.

I'll also share with you a few other quotations, below.

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain. - Frank Herbert, science fiction author

Fear: False Evidence Appearing Real. - Unknown

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do. - Eleanor Roosevelt

Fear, Grace, Hope and Love

"Jesus, what a beautiful name
Son of God, Son of Man
Lamb that was slain
Joy and peace, strength and hope
Grace that blows all fear away
Jesus, what a beautiful name"

These words were used in yesterday's meeting, for the first Sunday in Advent. One phrase stayed with me - "grace that blows all fear away"...

The phrase blew me away, too. Because for the rest of the day I kept reflecting on certain aspects in my life where I can't seem to react in any other way except with fear. Afraid to fight back. Afraid to challenge things. Afraid to face up to the real issue. Afraid of repercussions. Even, sometimes, afraid of words (which have been some of my closest friends).

It drove me to my knees in prayer. It drove me to extremes of emotion. I asked for the fear to be 'blown away'; for it to be replaced by hope, by love. I'm still praying.

1 John 4:18 (NIV)
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

Burning Your Bridges

(The title of this blog entry is based on a military tactic of burning a bridge you have just crossed to prevent the enemy from crossing it after you)

Ever feel just like getting up and running away? Sure you have. But what about never coming back?

Yep, I can identify with that. Although moving to something new is inherently scary, once I've made my move I must admit I couldn't ever consider retracing my steps to turn back. And it's such a strong sentiment; it must be profoundly deep within me - because I reacted so strongly when my thoughts brought this little gem to the surface.

For example, I can't ever comprehend how someone could ever leave their job and then return to work there, some months or years later. The very idea of it seems so wrong to me.

I had just finished drafting together a blog entry about this very subject - when my wife and I went along to the Corps Bible Study Group. Last week's study was on the story of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-32). During the evening the group was challenged to consider where we are in relation to this passage.

Mmm... I guess that if I was the younger son - I guess that I'd still be stuck in that pig pen. Unable to even consider turning back. Having burnt my bridges...

Oops. Need to unpack this a bit more, I think.

Do not be afraid...

How often have you heard these words spoken? They are common in scripture, and usually spoken in times which are probably quite frightening... Exceptional circumstances.

But do some of us live in fear from day to day? That's a situation that simply isn't right. But it can be all too common. Fear of the unknown, fear of the consequences of our actions, of our inactions. Such fear can be a stronghold.

And, for reasons I won't go into here, it's something I need to turn and face today.

And so, in the powerful name of Jesus, I commit myself and my family once again to the Lord's service. I state that from now on, such earthly fear described above will not control, subdue or limit myself or any members of my household. Instead of being filled with such debilitating fear, I ask my Heavenly Father to empty out those negative feelings and to replace them with the perfect love that drives out such fear.

In Jesus' name
Amen

1 John 4:18 (NIV)
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

Don't Be Afraid...

I understand that almost every book in the Bible has a "fear not" of some description within it. Some people actually state that there are at least 365 instances of "fear not", "do not be afraid", "don't worry" and so on - one for every day of the year! Don't know whether that's true or not, and I certainly haven't counted them, but it's certainly given me some food for thought today...

I am very aware that many people experience a problem with fear. It's an area that I don't find easy in my own life. I might have to face up to the fear of what people might think, might say. There's also fear of the unknown. Sometimes, even fear of the known!

However, God would have us to have faith in Him. I've heard many times that His perfect love drives out all fear (1 John 4:18). And so, tonight, as I start facing up to my own fears, I find myself turning to the Psalms for inspiration:

Psalm 56:3-4 (NIV)
When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise — in God I trust and am not afraid. What can mere mortals do to me? 

What fears will be trying to take hold of me next week? What threats or troubles will I be facing? There's already quite a full agenda ahead of me; it's very daunting. My aim is to face it head on, and to start praying the same prayer as David.

“When I am afraid of _________, I will trust in you, O Lord.”

:)

Take Courage!

It's said that identifying the problem is half-way to solving it. Good. If that's so, at last I'm half-way to sorting out one of mine. Potentially, a big one.

What I need to do now is to find the bottle within myself to push my way through it. You see, the problem is paralysis. Not of the physical kind, but mentally, emotionally. In some circumstances (which I can't go into) I can get almost paralysed by fear. It's probably fear of the current situation; fear of the unknown; doubtless fear of tedium because I've faced this situation so many times before! All of that seems to be rooting my feet to the floor.

I need to deal with this. I need the courage just to inch along, like someone on the edge of a precipice. Taking small steps, maybe, but steps nonetheless to get this issue behind me and move along.

I need to take courage!

I will be a warrior, fighting the good fight,
Battling ’gainst all evil in the cause of right;
Jesus, give me courage, make me true and brave
That the lost and dying I may help to save.
(SASB 859, verse 2 - Gladys M. Taylor)

Bravery and Foolishness

I've been pondering a lot today about bravery. It seems to me that one man's bravery is another man's foolishness.

One definition I read said that bravery was acting in spite of fear. Foolishness is acting in the same situation without fear.

Here's some more quotations:

If we take the generally accepted definition of bravery as a quality which knows no fear, I have never seen a brave man. All men are frightened. The more intelligent they are, the more they are frightened. - George S. Patton

Courage is not the absence of fear but the judgement that something else is more important than fear. The brave may not live forever but the cautious do not live at all. For now you are travelling the road between who you think you are and who you can be. - Meg Cabot

Courage is fear that has said its prayers. - Dorothy Bernard

Three Things

"Jesus promised his disciples three things - that they would be completely fearless, absurdly happy, and in constant trouble." - G.K. Chesterton

I came across the above quotation on someone's profile on Facebook a few days ago and just had to blog about it!

Gilbert Keith Chesterton (1874-1936) was very prolific in his writings, which include Christian apologetics, philosophy, fantasy and detective fiction. I like his turn of phrase. For example, he wrote: "Thieves respect property. They merely wish the property to become their property that they may more perfectly respect it."

So lets take a few moments to think about the three things in the earlier quotation:

Christians will be completely fearless - Because of God's great gift of love, followers of Christ need not be afraid of anything. There's still a feeling of awe when each approach our Father in heaven, however that is not because there is anything to fear; it's more an act of overwhelming respect for God's almighty and majestic power.  1 John 4:18, NIV: There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment.

Christians will be absurdly happy - usually expressed in terms of joy, this relates to the confidence that followers of Christ will possess arising out of their relationship with their Creator and the indwelling of His Holy Spirit. Galatians 5:22-23, NIV: But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

Christians will be in constant trouble - it is almost inevitable that Christians, inspired by God's word and indwelt by God's Holy Spirit, afraid of nothing and  possessing a deep contentment beyond human reason, will end up 'upsetting the apple cart' most of the time. They will stand out because they behave differently; they will stand up for others and for their faith; they will stand alone if need be. With such characteristics, it stands to reason there is opposition; why there's a habit of getting into trouble. John 16:33, NIV: "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

I'm incredibly encouraged by this. It probably explains why I get into trouble as often as I do...

Dare to be different!

:)

The Fear...

"I don't know what's right and what's real anymore
And I don't know how I'm meant to feel anymore
And when do you think it will all become clear?
Cause I'm being taken over by The Fear..."
Lyrics from 'The Fear', written by Lily Allen and Greg Kurstin

I've been looking closely at the words to Lily Allen's 'The Fear' for something I am planning for this year's SAFE School of Music & Drama (more later), and it's become something of a challenge to me to constantly push back my own boundaries - these limits aren't often my own, but are often set by others, telling me what I can't do, what I shouldn't do... even how I should feel about things. No wonder so many people these days echo the words, "I don't know how I meant to feel any more..."

As a Christian I am quite aware of my own failings, but the words that I hear from my Saviour are not telling me what I can't do, but what I can do - or at least I could do with just a little more courage.

2 Timothy 1:7 (New Living Translation)
For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.