Joy and Sadness

I went away on holiday after Christmas with my wife, and we ended up in the Netherlands, exploring the beautiful city of Rotterdam. It was very nice to immerse ourselves into a completely different culture for a while, leaving our worries and cares a whole country away...

Whilst I was away, I had the opportunity to catch up on satellite TV with a Pixar film called 'Inside Out' (2015), which I must admit I had avoided seeing at the time as I was a little unsure whether I would be able to enjoy it - or even endure it… Let me explain.

This animated film is set in the mind of a young girl named Riley (voiced by Kaitlyn Dias), where five personified emotions — Joy, Sadness, Anger, Fear, and Disgust - try to lead the girl through life.

As Riley grows up, her experiences become memories, which appear on screen as being stored in coloured orbs, which are sent into long-term memory each night. Her five most important 'core memories' start to form aspects of her personality which take the form of floating islands. Joy (Amy Poehler) acts as leader of her emotions, and since she and the other emotions do not understand Sadness's purpose, she tries to keep Sadness (Phyllis Smith) away from the main control console.

Everything starts going badly wrong when Riley and her parents (Diane Lane and Kyle MacLachlan) move from Minnesota to San Francisco… a series of unpleasant experiences from being so far out of her comfort zone affect Riley badly, and when Sadness causes Riley to cry in front of her school class, she creates Riley's first sad core memory. Joy tries to dispose of it quickly but accidentally knocks the other core memories loose during a struggle with Sadness, deactivating the personality islands. Joy, Sadness, and the core memories are then expelled out of Headquarters and sent to long-term memory storage.

By this stage in watching I was hooked. It was the only English language film on at the time, yet I felt  something deep inside myself wanting to turn it off (probably because it was getting a bit too close to home?). Could someone truly go through life without Joy or Sadness? It spoke to my inner me during one of my ‘bad days’. Days when I tend to emotionally switch off and simply ‘go through the motions’… deactivating the personality islands ... I was brave and kept going.

I won’t spoil the rest of it for you, but suffice it to say I literally ended up in tears by the end of the film.

I'll mention a couple of scenes in the film for you. At one point, Joy tries to prevent Sadness from having any influence on Riley by drawing a small chalk “circle of Sadness”, telling her to stay inside the circle. Apparently, psychologists call this type of behaviour 'emotional suppression' - that often something that leads to anxiety and depression. Finally, at the end of the film, Joy realises that she has to embrace the healthiest method for working with emotions: to accept Sadness for who she is. This is called 'mindfully embracing' an emotion.

This is something I need to learn in 2020. Hence, this rather personal blog post.

It Makes Me Sad...

... when people are quick to accuse people and organisations of wrongdoing based on minimal information. Because it's easier to pigeonhole than to sort out the truth.
... when people are slow to offer help to people in need. Because they are 'different from us'. Guess what - we're all unique!
... when the people we try and help throw it back in our faces, preferring to continue on a self-destructive path. We can offer help but can't make anyone change.
... when we realise that you couldn't help them no matter what you did...

It makes me want to cry. Sometimes, I do. However, it doesn't  make me want to give up. It makes me want to fight on.

Nevertheless, I'll fight...

"While women weep, as they do now,
I'll fight
While little children go hungry, as they do now,
I'll fight
While men go to prison, in and out, in and out, as they do now,
I'll fight
While there is a drunkard left,
While there is a poor lost girl upon the streets,
While there remains one dark soul without the light of God,
I'll fight-I'll fight to the very end!" - William Booth

Rather Sad, Really

I stopped off on the way home from work tonight to buy a cable for the computer at home. I searched through the many accessories they had at the big superstore; regretfully they didn't have just what I needed.

The shop that did have what I wanted was the adjacent Maplin store - which was due to be shut down in ten days time as the store was now in liquidation. And this was despite the fact that the shop had been decimated in anticipation of its coming closure. I could still pull exactly when I needed off the shelf.

I was happy to get what I wanted, however overwhelmingly saddened when I realised that this was probably the last time I could shop at this store.

I felt really bad as I handed the money over to the guy on the till. A guy who would soon be out of work.

The whole thing was rather sad, really. I'm still feeling quite down about the whole experience.

Mockers

Proverbs 9:7 (NIV)
Whoever corrects a mocker invites insults; whoever rebukes the wicked incurs abuse.

I am really sorry. I was only trying to offer help in that situation.

However, all that you could offer to the conversation were jokes and insults. Did that make you feel big, trying so hard to make me look so small?

You made me angry. And you made me sad.

The anger subsided pretty quickly. The sadness is still hanging around, trying to overwhelm me.

Lord, help me to forgive.

Caught In A Landslide

"Is this the real life?
Is this just fantasy?
Caught in a landslide
No escape from reality... "
(lyrics by Freddie Mercury - 'Bohemian Rhapsody' by Queen)

People sometimes do stupid things. Unexpectedly, perhaps catastrophically. Things that you simply don't expect them to.

I suppose it's understandable. We've all been given the freedom to do as we please.

You can try to advise them, try and steer them in the right direction.

But what if they do something completely bizarre?

Things that defy logic.

Like throwing away one perfectly good relationship to pursue another with someone else more 'exciting'. (This is not someone in my family, or even in my close circle of friends. But it hurts me deeply - somehow...)

I'm caught up in their landslide. Is there any escape?

I can't undo it. Reality simply doesn't have a reset or rewind button; when you make a mistake you’ve got to live with it.

I can't live their life for them, either.

So why do I feel sad today? Why do I care?

Guilty!

The accusation is clear and concise. It hits you square between the eyes. They present you with tangible facts to back it up. Caught bang to rights.

You protest. You start out as sure as sure can be that it can't be true.  But, in the light of all the evidence to the contrary, the case for any defence starts getting swept away. Strong foundations for any possible denial fail, quickly crumble to dust. Your own counsel advises you to plead guilty for a more lenient sentence. You begin to doubt your own memory; even to entertain the idea that your very thoughts are wrong;  that it must have been you all along...

You give in. Accept the consequences. There's no point in fighting it any longer. You're just too weak...

Ever had that experience? I sure hope not. It must be terrifying.

There's a particularly memorable two-parter episode of 'Star Trek: The Next Generation' that comes to mind when I ponder on this sort of scenario. 'Chain of Command' includes a scene where Picard (Patrick Stewart) is taken prisoner by the Cardassians. Subjected to torture, his interrogator points four bright lights at Picard and asks him, repeatedly, to say that there are five of them (a homage to a similar scene in George Orwell's 'Nineteen Eighty-Four').

Picard does escape his captors; he doesn't give in and say that there are five lights. However, he later admits privately that he would have told his interrogator anything to make the pain stop... and that, right at the end, he actually thought he could see five lights.

My mind is full of strange thoughts this evening... including incredible sadness for those who are totally innocent yet have been wrongly accused and convicted. Some may even go through life thinking they were guilty all along! I think I understand this issue a little better today. But it doesn't make me feel any better...

('Chain of Command' was written by Frank Abatemarco, who consulted with Amnesty International during his script preparation. Patrick Stewart is also an Amnesty supporter and this comes over in his portrayal. Worth a look.) 

Madness and Sadness

I don't really know where to begin with this blog entry. Because I really don't know all the facts...

What I do know for sure is that the trains were disrupted on the way home tonight. The reason? A fatality at Woolwich. The power had to be turned off on the lines to and from London.

The reactions of the commuters on my train were, shall we say, mixed. Some were hopping mad, upset because their plans for the evening were ruined. Others set off to find other ways to get home. Some of them just sat there, seemingly not reacting at all.

I felt sad. I mourned the passing of this life. I have no idea how the individual had died (Some were telling their families that 'some guy had jumped under a train' but I noted that the announcements didn't state that. They didn't even specify a gender). It could have been a heart attack or an accident.

I felt for this person's family and friends. I felt sorry for the staff at Woolwich Arsenal station. And I felt sorry that some of my fellow commuters seemed incapable of even basic compassion. And that they were so quick to conclude what had happened.

"Except I am moved with compassion,
How dwelleth thy Spirit in me?
In word and in deed
Burning love is my need;
I know I can find this in thee."
(Albert Orsborn)