Putting It Off

I'm awfully good at finding things to do. However sometimes it's not that one job that I have to do.

That really can surprise people. Because I can be very productive when I turn my mind to it. When I'm 'in the zone', so to speak.

And there's the problem. Sometimes I really don't feel like it.

The best way that I can explain this is to go back to the ancient idea that inspiration for great work in the realms of literature or the arts only came from heaven. Try and force your way through a particular job without receiving a degree of divine inspiration - and you're sunk.

• Sometimes I can't find my 'zone', no matter how hard I look for it.
• If I am 'in the zone', then I need to start work now. Get it done, if it's a job around the house. Or, if it's writing, get as much of it down on paper/laptop as I can before it fades; before I lose it.
• If I can't get into my stride when I'm 'in the zone', then pow! Suddenly, I've lost it.
• If I can't get others to buy into what I'm trying to do when I'm 'in the zone', then my enthusiasm wanes because they don't feel like it - so therefore, it soon rubs off on me, so I don't want to do it any more...
• And if I'm drained - emotionally or physically - there's very little I can do. It's just too much. All I want to do is rest, and wait for that inspiration to descend once again. Wait until I'm back 'in the zone'.

The problem here - when I read this all back - is that I see that the problem here is feelings. I don't feel like it. Or others don't feel like working when I want to..

There's also an assumption here, of course. It's an assumption that really productive people are always 'in the zone' - that positive, energetic frame of mind that impels them to start and carries them through all the way until completion. I'm afraid that this is not so.

It needs a bit of willpower as well. An understanding that there are going to be hard times, frustrations, and setbacks along the way. And I guess sometimes that it's my fear of these hard times - and of encountering the people who'd rather muck about than get down to some hard work - that creates some of the biggest hurdles in my life and prevents me personally from staying in 'the zone'. If they don't bother, why should I?

So, sometimes it takes a bit of a push to get me back into 'the zone'.

That's where the following quotes resonate with me:

Rita Emmett, in The Procrastinator’s Handbook, came up with Emmett’s Law:
"The dread of doing a task uses up more time and energy than doing the task itself."

O’Connor’s corollary:
"It’s amazing what you can accomplish when you finally get down to work."

Just a few stray thoughts today. That I had to get down. Or else, lose them completely... :)

Walking Through Life ... With Others

I've been reminded today that scripture frequently compares life to a walk. You can find a few of these references here.

Quite understandably. Life is a journey; one that lasts a lifetime. Like it or not, you're never sitting still for long. Enjoy the splendid views that you see, because circumstances will soon change and you'll be moving on again... Endure the rocky paths and harshness, because it's only for a short while. You'll soon move on.

And I get it. I am reminded that I need to walk every step of the way with my Lord. He will never leave me, or forsake me. Walk as He did. Tick the box - got that one.

However, the person whose blog I read today assured me that I'm also told to walk alongside other people.

And that's where he kind of lost me. Where I turned off the computer, and moved on.

Yes, it was the reference to the other people.

Yes, I know that it's safer to walk with others. It's scary to walk alone at night or down a lonely country road. So, if you are in a scary place, taking comfort in companionship through those difficult times surely is the right way. But I often feel unsure of others - until I really, really, get to know them. And that takes time.

Yes, I know it’s supportive. Walking through the problems of life with others keeps you going until you get to the end. But I often feel that these others aren't genuine - that they are using me somehow.

And yes, I know it's smarter. I can learn much more by being on the same path with others. They keep me on the right path, cheer me on when I'm flagging, even giving me a chance to help them when they have problems.

So, here's the bottom line.

Why do I find it difficult to trust others?

Because some of them have hurt me before.

I feel sad tonight.

Challenging Negativity (Fighting Back When The ANTs Attack)

(I saw this pic on a blog that I follow. Thanks Meridian for inspiring this post)

Is this you?

I certainly can identify with it.

Surrounded by a whole host of different comments and asides throughout the day, what's the one thing that I end up dwelling on when my head eventually hits the pillow? The negative comment. (sigh)

I'm reliably informed that psychologists use the term “automatic negative thoughts” to describe this sort of thing. ANTs, for short.

Just like their real-world counterparts, these ANTs are not so easy to deal with if their numbers are plentiful - that is, if you let the negative thoughts overpower you. It's a mind-set problem.

Get yourself stuck in a loop, and you'll end up having the same negative thoughts - again and again.

Here's one way to combat this:

Unpredictable

adjective; not able to be predicted; changeable.

Life, as they say, is unpredictable.

I was on my way to the railway station with my son this morning, trying to plan out something we need to do together in a fortnight's time. Then, something unexpected happened which meant that I had to hold that thought, as I had to work out a way how to help him with a more pressing problem today.

Then, to top it all, the train was cancelled, leaving all those on the platform to rethink how each of us were going to get to work!

All in a space of ten minutes!

That got me thinking....

And now I have a word for you who brashly announce, “Today—at the latest, tomorrow—we’re off to such and such a city for the year. We’re going to start a business and make a lot of money.” You don’t know the first thing about tomorrow. You’re nothing but a wisp of fog, catching a brief bit of sun before disappearing. Instead, make it a habit to say, “If the Master wills it and we’re still alive, we’ll do this or that.”

As it is, you are full of your grandiose selves. All such vaunting self-importance is evil. In fact, if you know the right thing to do and don’t do it, that, for you, is evil.

(James 4:13-17 - The Message).

Multitasking

"You want it when?"

I find that I spend a great deal of my time at this time of year juggling priorities. Infuriatingly, of late it's been because other people have had a different opinion as to the urgency of a particular situation. 

One of my colleagues had to be reminded twelve times about the need to submit a particular form to me! 

Because of this, I have had to keep rescheduling, changing my tack, working a bit of unpaid overtime, calling in favours, cajoling, negotiating, and copying in other colleagues to try to help, in order to drive things home and finally get things done.

It's been exhausting.

However, I am now calmer.

The rush has died down. I've got time to breathe.

Time to take stock. With a hard-earned day off today.
 

Time to reflect on what God had to say to me this week:
 

Psalm 127: 1-2 (The Message)

If God doesn’t build the house,

    the builders only build shacks.

If God doesn’t guard the city,

    the night watchman might as well nap.

It’s useless to rise early and go to bed late, and work your worried fingers to the bone.

Don’t you know he enjoys giving rest to those he loves?

Job's Comforter

noun -  a person who aggravates distress under the guise of giving comfort.

Boy, are there plenty of these around! Like the extremely helpful (!) individual who told me this week how much he was trying to help me - not only did he fail, he ended up making me feel much worse....

The title of course comes from the biblical story of Job. Unlike me, he had three 'comforters'. These were people tried to console Job, who was otherwise an upright man, telling him that his troubles must surely be divine retribution for his sins.

Is that right?

Actually, I don't think that God - the loving and caring Father that I read about in scripture - is one that sends 'divine retribution' to make people's lives more miserable.

He doesn't send the trials.

But He doesn't leave us alone in the midst of them. 

And that's more a comfort to me. 

Belonging

I know quite a few fellow Christians in my town who are currently 'between churches'.

That can't be easy. In fact, I'm quite upset with even the thought of this. You see, I personally need the sense of belonging that you get from a church group.

Scripture underlines this for me when it says that his followers are “fellow citizens with God’s people and also members of his household” (Ephesians 2:19b, NIV).

The local fellowship of believers gives me a sense of identity, several avenues of commitment,  as well as a means of accountability. 

Take away the local church and its network (for whatever reason), and my ability to work out my own Christian walk is so much harder. Not impossible, but it's much harder.

Put my life back into the context of a church family - different backgrounds, different races,  different social statuses - and then I can start learning from others, befriending others, encouraging others. As well as making the fellowship stronger, this can then be a powerful witness to the world.

Let's turn to scripture for the last word. Hebrews 10:25 warns us against “not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing”.

You know I am praying for those Christian friends who are spiritually 'homeless' tonight.

Feeling Fine

It's the end of a particularly busy weekend for me.

I think I coped pretty well. Despite the fact that I lost a whole night's sleep on Friday (I was helping out at the Cold Weather Shelter again).

I kept going on Saturday, just to see if I could, and patted myself on the back at how well I was doing. I took a brief nap during Saturday lunchtime (just under 4 hours) and that kept me running until Saturday night, when I slept soundly through to Sunday. Bit tough getting up for church, but there you go.

But it's now Sunday night, and I'm starting to really notice the effects of those missing hours of shut-eye.

I'm definitely ratty. Feelings are all over the place tonight. My mind is really having trouble coping, buzzing away, trying to make sense of every nugget of wisdom, filing every comment and aside that I picked up today. I'm happy, sad, and angry, all at the same time. So sensitive (and I'm a sensitive type anyway)... and trying to record how I feel in this blog, too :)

One scientific explanation is that the emotional centre of my brain (the amygdala) has got hypersensitive due to sleep deprivation, which is why I'm taking in far too much stimuli, and my higher brain functions can't cope and filter.

So - I'm an emotional wreck. And that's why I find it difficult to cope. Behaving less like a grown-up and more like a teenager. Probably because teens get insufficient sleep, too.

I'm fine. But I'm just a bit tired.

I'm off to bed now.

Stranger Than Fiction

“‘Tis strange – but true; for truth is always strange; Stranger than fiction.”
Lord Byron (George Gordon Byron (1788-1824), from his epic poem Don Juan

Things are always a little bit strange in our household. A bit odd. Because we're not by any stretch of the imagination a normal family. If such a thing actually exists...

• We certainly don't act like a normal family (even though we are mum, dad and two kids, that's where the similarity ends...)
• We like to push the boundaries of normal living where we can. We've even got a sign up in our house, which says ...
• "Remember as far as anyone knows we're a normal family" :)
• We don't even keep normal hours. 

However, we still strive to keep some things, some essentials at the centre of our lives. It's a real battle sometimes to ensure these ideals are present. 

One of the essentials for me is truth.

It's something that I strive very much to hold on to. Just look at my profile pic and the subsequent description. 'Seeker after truth'. 

Yes, truth is what we need. What we all need. 

More precious than hard cash; a powerful force once it is recognised; rarer than hens teeth (as my mum would say)... and sometimes it is certainly very strange...

... and yet I'm convinced that it's the only way to be truly free. 

John 8:31-32 (NIV)
To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

A Place To Belong

I hear quite a lot of talk about the difference between wants and needs.

There's a whole lot of things that we might want to make our lives easier, or even bearable...

... however, you may not need them. 

Take the topic of belonging. 

In my opinion, this is a definite human need. Like the need for food, or shelter.

Everyone has a need to belong. This might be thought of in terms of being a part of brotherhood/ sisterhood, or in terms of friendship, or even love. A sense of connection with your peers.

Lose that feeling of belonging and the world can be an extremely lonely place. In some cases, even physically painful. Your body aches for connection.

Exclude someone from a group, and well-being takes a serious knock. There is pain and conflict.

More later, as I continue to work this out in my own head....