Walking The Fine Line

There’s a fine line between supporting and ‘fixing’. 

Take, for example, the way I act now towards my children. Both of mine are now fully grown, and each have lives of their own. However, they still reach out to Dad for help from time to time. As they should! And I'm always there to help. To support. 

However, I'm not there to fix. Just like when you teach them to ride a bike, I've had to learn when to pull my hand away and when to keep it there. 

What I can do is help them find the wisdom, even the strength to figure out what happens now. This is the line between fixing and supporting. 

And, do you know what? That line is there for many different types of relationships, not just between parent and child. 

Doing Good or Doing Well ... 2022 edition

 Happy New Year. I hope.

This is kind of a follow-up to a post I did nearly five years ago now. Here's the link to my earlier post - right here .

You see, at the moment I am sitting back in my chair, on the first day of a brand new year, assessing whether I can say I feel that I am achieving either of these at the moment.

Doing good or doing well. 

I often feel that I'm not doing either. And I doubt if I am alone feeling that way. I'm unable to carry out many of the things I used to do five years ago - in many cases this is due to Covid-19, however there are other factors in play. Like many, I feel fatigued with the current world situation. Frustrated with being unable to do so much that I used to do. However, I have faith that the opportunities will be there, there will be new things to replace the old - if I keep faithful, keep believing - and keep myself in the best mindset.

Thus, I know that I need to step into 2022 with a new mindset. How I can do that is what I need to work on at the moment.

Here's the scripture verse I used last time, my first step:

"So let’s not allow ourselves to get fatigued doing good. At the right time we will harvest a good crop if we don’t give up, or quit. Right now, therefore, every time we get the chance, let us work for the benefit of all, starting with the people closest to us in the community of faith."
Galatians 6:9-10 - The Message

My next step is to hold my hands open for God. I have let go of so much, and some of it isn't missed - it is part of my history of service. Much of it is missed ... however, I mustn't grieve for it, it was part of my life and now is in the past. 

I need to leave my hands open for God - also, my heart, mind, and soul. He wants my hands empty, open for better things. Blessed things. Eternal things.

Keep believing. Don't quit.

Helping Others - However, You Can't Fix Everything

Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid (John 14:27). 

Integrity, And How Not To Lose It

I seem to hear a lot of people talking about integrity at the moment. In our lives, in our church, and particularly at the present time in the political arena. Not surprising, I suppose, that it's at the top of my mind today.

The Hebrew word in the Old Testament which is translated as integrity means “the condition of being without blemish, completeness, perfection, sincerity, soundness, uprightness, wholeness.”

I want a life that features all of these things. However, there is little point of me trying to be what I am not... I know I am imperfect but I try very hard to be true to my beliefs. "Fake it until you make it" just isn't for me. "I will do my best" is more like it.

However, as a society we are frequently confronted by people who claim to be perfect but are quickly found to be seriously flawed. What is worse, this is usually brought to my attention by the popular press who love to find fault in those in leadership or in the public eye. They dig and dig until they find something, and leap upon it to sell papers or lead the next news bulletin. 

That's a terrific reason not to be famous, and not to run for public office. I figure I can do much more good as an unknown that I could ever do as a 'name'...

Here's a few pointers I picked up from the 'net today, while thinking about blogging about this topic...

I should strive to be the same person in front of a crowd as you are behind the scenes. That's a tough one for me as I personally hate crowds... However, I take the good advice. I should be the same in public as I am in private. However,  if you want to see me at my most comfortable, look behind the scenes. I'll be there.

I should take care not to conform. Yep. See Romans 12:2, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

I should take frequent opportunity to build my character. Indeed, and this takes time. Endurance builds character (Romans 5:3). And remember, don't seek to compromise your deeply-held values. Anything that is truly a personal value to you should not be compromised just because it's convenient. Which brings us on to the next point..

I should live with honesty and keep your promises. I'd go a step further than that and say 'don't lie to yourself'. Because it's common for altruistic people to go out of your way for others and to neglect themselves. By all means strive to keep your promises, however don't make yourself ill in the process... you are of little use to others if you make yourself ill!

Just my thoughts today.

Doing good or doing well...

"You finished second grade
I hope you can tell
If you're doing good or doing well..."
(lyrics from 'Word Crimes' by Weird Al Yankovic)

Inspiration for this post started from a discussion that I had with my daughter the other night, whilst I was driving her down to the shops. We're both Weird Al fans, and when I mentioned about ensuring her motives were right as she starts out to secure employment, the above lyrics popped into my head... we chuckled together as we chatted about this!

And that started me off thinking about my own motives, as well as hers. It was such a good topic that it ended up as part of this post!

Am I doing good ... performing good deeds, helping others, striving to make this world a better place...

Or doing well ... in good health, meeting my personal goals, prospering?

I'd like to think I'm trying for both. And I want to encourage my family to do the same.

Do good, and do well!

"So let’s not allow ourselves to get fatigued doing good. At the right time we will harvest a good crop if we don’t give up, or quit. Right now, therefore, every time we get the chance, let us work for the benefit of all, starting with the people closest to us in the community of faith."
Galatians 6:9-10 - The Message

C is for Charity

I am often reminded by those who don't want to help other people that "charity begins at home". Perhaps, but does that mean it should end there? How can I show them a better way?

Feed the hungry, and help those in trouble. Then your light will shine out from the darkness, and the darkness around you will be as bright as noon.
Isaiah 58:10

Coping With Chaos

Yesterday evening was, quite honestly, chaotic. It was physically and emotionally draining. I had trouble recovering from it long after it was over. This was after a weekend when my plans were changed hourly (which I coped with). It was the sheer total craziness of yesterday that topped it all. And threatened to pull me over...

And yet, the people who we were trying to help yesterday were the ones who brought the chaos. They were looking for help from us. I was regularly reminded that these people live chaotic lives, so we must try and adapt.

So, I have to learn to cope with the chaos. Even if things go wrong. Even if the day has been a complete nightmare. Even if you can't turn off the feeling that you have to run away. Because you can't - if you want to help...

God is our constant here. He is not affected by circumstances or by moods.

"Father God, help me to find you in the midst of the chaos. Help me to see You, hear You, talk to You, and give thanks to You. Grant me true peace amidst the noise and the hubbub. In Jesus' name. Amen."

I Don't Have The Time

"I'm sorry, but I simply don’t have the time.”

How often have you heard this? It's used as an excuse throughout the country at the moment, as political parties tap on our doors asking for our support in the forthcoming elections. You hear it in the streets as you're approached by assertive charity collectors asking you to sign their forms... And when you've been the recipient of cold-calling, as a way of ending a less-than-productive phone call...

But, do we make the same excuses to God? 

You see, this week I came across the following quotation from Professor Bruce Hindmarsh on a website:

"Busyness is moral laziness [because it is often a statement of our self-importance and our excuse to be inattentive to people] ... But God has given us just enough time to do what we need to do moment by moment to respond to him. And his grace is there; it is eternally present. Every moment is a sacrament where time touches eternity and there is exactly enough time to do what God has called us to do."

Sure, I am aware that time is finite. We all get the same - 24 hours in every day. it's how we use it that can make all of the difference. Because everyone finds different ways to fill their day - working, reading, playing games, watching TV, doing the crossword. And so on. 

And yet I still keep coming back to Martha and Mary, and to the events recorded in Luke 10:38-42. What we do is a matter of personal choice.

So why do some of us choose to be busy? Are we doing this because we like to brag, to show people how important we are? Because, surely, that's got to be wrong!

However, the sort of 'busyness' that the professor also talks about here is a way of avoiding a harder, more costly choice. A convenient opt-out - a way to avoid getting involved in something far more difficult. "Sorry, although I'd love to help out, but I just can't spare the time..." It's a way of saying "the things I choose to do are more important that yours."

Thus, an overflowing schedule may simply be a shield protecting you from the inconvenient, time-consuming needs of others.

And if God always gives us enough time to do what He calls us to do - perhaps there are one or two others things on your busy agenda that you'll have to give up, if you do hear His call. 

Your choice.

It's A Wonderful Life - Really

Yes, I know. As we go through life, stuff happens. Some of it is good. Some of it isn't. And that's often an understatement.

I'm encouraged by Christian friends and colleagues around me to "get used to it". And to go through life with Jesus as my constant companion. Didn't He say, "I will be with you, always"? (Matthew 28:20)

Yes, He is there with me. However, the bad stuff still happens. Why? Perhaps it's understandable that folks like me soon around to questioning: if Jesus truly cares for me, why does this sort of thing still happen? Why do I hurt?

Now, as I started reflecting on this, I kept thinking about "It's A Wonderful Life". A former corps officer of mine introduced me to this film classic a few years ago; since then it has become a firm favourite of mine. The picture above is from the film, depicting George Bailey (James Stewart) and Clarence the angel (Henry Travers). A wonderful, "what if" story...

The film is all about George's discovery that a life well lived can make a tremendous difference to our world. Even if, sometimes, we can't see it ourselves. It's only when we get a glimpse of how things could have been without such an influence that you realise what this can do.

Can you imagine what a difference that knowing Christ has made to your own life? Sure, you might say. But can anyone truly know? Can they point to evidence that living your life with Christ protects you from harm? I must admit, I believe that it does. However, it's rare that any of us can ever make a list detailing the bad things that never happened to you - because the Almighty made sure that they never happened!

If only we could glimpse that other life; the one where you took that other path, made that different decision - just briefly - perhaps it would make things so much clearer...

I had that brief glimpse into my own life, recently. What life could have been like if I hadn't chosen Christ... and it really wasn't very pleasant. A wake-up call.

Dear reader, I have had my fair share of low moments. Trust me, I've been right down there in that pit of despair, right down in that mire, that 'slough of despond'. And He was there with me, in the blackness, Sure, He knows that I would prefer an easier life. We all would - but Jesus wants us to have the best. And He knows that He can use us, both you and I, to encourage and to help others...

He said “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5

And still He urges me on. "Trust me, it can be so much better..."

More next week...

Sometimes The Bear Gets You

I don't know anybody who deliberately sets out to have a bad day. Every new day is pristine, new, unwritten. A blank canvas to paint on. A fresh start.

But I can think of plenty of people who try their very best to help others, only to have that help thrown back in their face - suddenly, they're on the receiving end of a tirade of abuse. My heart goes out to these caring people. They don't deserve that sort of treatment. It's awful - but it happens.

The title of this blog entry comes from a misquotation of a comment from Elwin Charles "Preacher" Roe. He was a pitcher who played Major League Baseball between 1938 - 1954 (apart from his military service in World War Two). He was renowned for his amazing control over the ball. But even he had his bad days.

On one occasion he was taken out of the game very early on, saying "Sometimes you eat the bear, sometimes the bear eats you".

It's very true. Some people can be rude, obnoxious, downright unhelpful. Sometimes 'the bear gets you' and you're suffering, hurt, questioning why someone could be so ungrateful...

But that's no reason not to keep trying to help them ... and that's why I keep coming back to the "Paradoxical Commandments", a reading that I blogged about a year or two ago.

Just Do It Anyway. Make a difference.

Pearls

"Pearls before swine" is a phrase used by Jesus in His Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 7:6), where He warned about putting what is valuable in front of those who will not recognise its value - they will either ridicule it or destroy what you offer.

These words have been bouncing around in my head this afternoon. 

The things of value in my life? My time and energy, the opportunities I get in this world to help others; the abilities I possess.

But I know what it is like to have these ridiculed. And, interestingly, from those that I would have thought would know better... 

It's a little tricky to determine when to offer these 'pearls' and when not to do so. However, I'm beginning to understand about my critics. I'm told that we can "know them by their fruits" (Matthew 7:20). 

Matthew 7:6 (NIV)
"Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces."

I Know Who My Friends Are

"So no one told you life was gonna be this way
Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's D.O.A.
It's like you're always stuck in second gear
When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year, but..."

I've had opportunity to take stock after a rather chaotic few days which featured a couple of unexpected and challenging occurrences... and, as ever, it is in looking back that you begin to get a different view of what exactly went on ...

At the time, I couldn't really see any 'silver linings' in the thick clouds around me. However, in hindsight I can give real thanks because I am truly blessed by some of the people that I know! 

Of course, my family have been there for me, however I must give particular thanks to my son, John, who has been a particular tower of strength to me over the past weekend. He certainly went the extra mile. I'm proud of him and for what he has done for me and my household. He's my son but he's also a good friend.

I am so pleased to have some good friends close by; you know, the ones who are there for you, amidst the rubble and the chaos! Thanks, guys. You know who you are.

And I am also encouraged by some 'long distance' friends - it amazes me that sometimes the person that lifts you most on a difficult day is someone who you know exclusively over the web; who you have never met face to face!

"I have been and always shall be your friend."

(Spock from Star Trek II: The Wrath Of Khan')

"I'll be there for you
(When the rain starts to pour)
I'll be there for you
(Like I've been there before)
I'll be there for you
('Cause you're there for me too)..."
(Lyrics to the theme tune to 'Friends')

Teamwork

Ephesians 2:10 (NIV)
“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”

I have been taking time out this week to take stock of the past year, and to make some plans for 2014. I've been reminded (pretty much by everybody) that one person can only do so much. No matter how hard any of us try, we cannot do everything.

The reading from Ephesians reminds us that we have been lovingly made by God to do good works. However, it also reminds us that He never planned for us to do that work alone. 

This is a tough lesson to learn. I know to my cost what it can feel like when you get so tired that you feel exhausted and burned out. That's not how it's supposed to me. God never meant for it to be that way.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (NIV)
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labour:
If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.

You may think that one person can't make much of a difference. However, a group of like-minded individuals can change the world. We can make a big difference if we work together, each if each of us is only doing our small part.

(thanks to Rick Warren for inspiration for this post)

Contentment - In Search Of A Definition

Lord, I would place my hand in thine,
nor ever murmur nor repine;
Content, whatever lot I see,
since 'tis my God that leadeth me.
(He Leadeth Me, verse 3 - words by Joseph H. Gilmore)

Thinking back once again on the subject of contentment, I discover that it's a different concept from happiness, which is something that I guess that most people strive for. Understandable, I suppose - remember, it's engrained into our modern culture. Even the United States Declaration of Independence states that there are certain rights that we each have - among these are 'Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness'!

No, what we are talking about here is something much more subtle. It's about learning to be content in your current situation. A situation which might best be described as 'less than perfect'. A situation that is made much more bearable because you are not alone. Christ is there with you.

And He is with you when you seek to help others, bringing that same sense of contentment to others when you minister to them, in His name.

1 Timothy 6:6-8 (The Message)
A devout life does bring wealth, but it's the rich simplicity of being yourself before God. Since we entered the world penniless and will leave it penniless, if we have bread on the table and shoes on our feet, that's enough.

"The world is full of people looking for spectacular happiness while they snub contentment." - Doug Larson

Surprised By Joy

James 1:2 (NIV)
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds...

The above verse of scripture was emailed to me this morning - and only seeks to underline something that came to light following the meetings at the Army yesterday. You see, I understand all what was said yesterday about mission; the Great Commission if you will. I understand the sacrifice; I understand the need to minister to 'others'. No problem with any of that.

There's just one aspect that seems to be eluding me. An understanding of the joy that comes out of this service. The same joy mentioned in the above passage. The joy experienced and mentioned throughout the Christmas story.

And, looking back over this blog, it seems to be a subject that's been eluding me for a while. Is there something that I've yet to consider; something that seems to be robbing me of that joy?

Heading into the latter part of the Advent season, then, the goal then is to find that joy. That deep satisfaction that comes from knowing God, hearing His voice and obeying. The quality that allows us to be strong; able to face those kinds of trials.

In 1955, C S Lewis published a book which related the story of the author's conversion. It was entitled "Surprised by Joy".

That's the sort of surprise I am looking for this Christmas.

Writing In The Margins

Thinking back to my schooldays, I remember trying to make the best use of my note books when it came to revision times. These essential books were 'dog-eared' and well-thumbed, crammed with useful bits, with all corners of the page used, even the margins.

A friend of mine brought the subject of margins to my mind when talking about planning my day. You see, I'm very good at cramming a lot of different things into a day, and others around me are just as good at filling any spare gaps. There's been some days where I've reached overcapacity. And that's where I start having the difficulties... some days, my life is starting to look a bit 'dog-eared', too!

The friend reminded me of the story of Ruth, which was fresh in my mind after a recent bible study on the subject. In these days, the farmers deliberately left the edges of the field unharvested for the benefit of those 'others' in the community. 

Similarly, my challenge today is to get better at planning, in order to include a breathing space or two. The aim is not to fill up every part of my day, but to leave some margins. There will always be something (or someone) who can fill those margins for you. You can be sure of that. If these 'margins' are already full, then you either leave yourself open to disappointing someone - or, more likely, push yourself harder than normal, straining to get a 'quart out a pint pot'. 

Getting Stroppy

stroppy (adjective) /ˈstrɒp.i//ˈstrɑː.pi/ adj UK informal

angry and unpleasant or rude to other people, quarrelsome, belligerent

I pick up the phone at work, and do my best to help the customer on the end of the line. Regretfully I can't always say yes to them. Then the person decides to get stroppy with you; they start arguing because they haven't liked what they've heard, they haven't got everything they've asked for.

Why do they act that way with someone who is obviously trying to help them? Don't you think that I would say yes to their request if it was in my power to do so?

Guess this is another instance where I need to show forgiveness. I don't know whether that person has had a really unpleasant day before picking the 'phone up to me. It's easy to let rip at someone you don't know.

"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle" - Anon

Ephesians 4:32 (New International Version, ©2010)
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Making A Difference

"One man can make a difference..." - Wilton Knight (Richard Basehart) from the original pilot of 'Knight Rider' (1982)

I have spent an interesting week at home, reviewing the past year over and over again in my mind. An unfortunate side-effect of my period of recuperation is the sudden acquisition of bucket-loads of spare time. I can't drive; can't do those little odd jobs in the house. I am encouraged by family to 'take it easy'. So I took time to catch up with friends and relatives, find up what they are up to. At this time of year, you get updates via cards, or on Facebook.

Unfortunately, this made me feel quite sad. I started taking myself to task for all the things that I have failed to do during this year. Friends with which I have lost contact; family members who tease you about some event or other you've missed; good opportunities that slip through your grasp or pass you by. All those things danced around in my mind.

I spent some time in prayerful reflection of all these things. The words of 1 Peter 5:8-9 came to mind while I was doing this. And - with His help -I realised that there is quite another way of looking at this...

Instead of concentrating on those things that I failed to do, I realised that I should also be looking at all those things that I actually did! All the places I went to. What about considering all the people that I helped this year by doing the things I do - who would be there for them if I didn't do what I do?

Yes, there are things I can't do, can't seem to find the time to do. Sorry if I let you down. I'm trying the best way that I know to make a difference in this world by what I do in His name. I want to make a difference - and to continue to do so in 2011.

Can one man make a difference? Yes, I can.

"It's easy to make a buck. It's a lot tougher to make a difference." - Tom Brokaw

"Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does." - William James

This is my favourite...

"I am a little pencil in the hand of a writing God who is sending a love letter to the world." - Mother Teresa

1 Peter 5:8-9 (New International Version, ©2010)

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

Happy New Year.

Let Me Help - part two

"Let me help. A hundred years or so from now, I believe, a famous novelist will write a classic using that theme. He'll recommend those three words over I love you."
quotation from Star Trek - The City on the Edge of Forever (1967)

I like to think that both of these phrases - 'I love you' and 'let me help' - are both expressions of love. However, just because one person may reject our offer of assistance does not mean we are of little or no use - just as one person's rejection of love does not mean we are unlovable.

The solution? Once again, it centres on our relationship with Christ. It's allowing Christ to walk with you, to walk through the disappointments in life with a day-to-day knowledge of His provision for us. Yes, as believers we can be rejected, however at least we are trying to help. There are many that you meet who don't try at all! As a Christian, I have a choice to allow that rejection - a pothole on the path of life - to upset your progress, even to wound you; or you can choose to pick yourself up and move forward in God's grace. And also to remember that forgiveness of others and of self is also a gift to us, given from Christ Himself.

Ephesians 4:32 (New International Version)
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Let Me Help

As a Christian, I am encouraged to put out an hand of friendship to others, to try and help them whenever and wherever I can. Why is it, then, that when you try to help some people, the offer of assistance is often rejected or dismissed? When does a genuine willingness to help someone become interference in somebody else's life? Comments are directed back to you saying 'it's not your concern, leave me alone.' I suspect that the answer lies in the area of Respect, that is acknowledging other people's opinions or views may be different from your own.

Here's some quotes about Helping Others, as I ponder this further.

"Never underestimate what a simple gesture can do. It is the little things that you do that make a big difference in other people's lives." - Catherine Pulsifer

“Do something for somebody every day for which you do not get paid.” - Albert Schweitzer

"Do all the good you can, and make as little fuss about it as possible." - Charles Dickens

"The more I help others to succeed, the more I succeed." - Ray Kroc

"Life's most urgent question is: What are you doing for others?" - Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Ephesians 5:1-2 (New International Version)
Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

Acts 20:35 (New International Version)
In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: 'It is more blessed to give than to receive.' "