Resting In God's Presence

I've been blogging a lot lately about the need to slow down, and thus be that much closer to God. That's been something that has come out of my recent health experiences - and hopefully I have learnt a bit following this. Hopefully...

There's also been a bit of a recurring theme in a few of the blogs that I have been following lately which have touched on the same subject. Coincidence? I don't think so...

One of the websites I have found have talked quite a bit about abiding, and referred to the book "Abide in Christ," by Andrew Murray, which focused the teachings of Jesus down into three words from John's gospel: "Abide in me."

Another blog made reference to contemplation or meditation.  Taking time out to reflect on the revelations of God.

Yet another used a charismatic Christian term called soaking. To disconnect from the world, and reconnect to God. Resting in God's presence, ready to hear from Him.

I wonder why this keeps going around and around in my head. Mmmm...

Being Fruitful

Going Slower, But Still Going

It's Monday morning as I start drafting this. The car has just been dropped off for a full service, and I'm chilling out with a latte.

I'm currently in Sidcup, somewhere I used to work in the 1990s. It was a time when the new digital revolution promised society increased productivity, and a better work-life balance.

And we all know that’s not how history has played out. In fact, in the decade after  I worked here I changed jobs a half a dozen times... not always by choice!

I am pleased to relax and just live in the moment today. Just to have a couple of things in the to-do list. And not to get stressed by the huge list of things I should have done, or should be doing...

I'm taking time to savour the coffee, to enjoy the surroundings of the coffee house with the comfy leather chairs. I've two books in my bag to dip into when I need to get on the train this afternoon  (I have a check up at the hospital for my eye)...

I tried to slow things down yesterday too. After church I deliberately sat for fifteen minutes and relaxed. Took some quality time for myself. I still had time to take in the video stream of a large Salvation Army meeting and did well practicing on my guitar (more on this soon!) ... but still took time for me!

I know that I overthink; that I have an overactive mind. Consequently, just telling myself that certain things need to stay in the moment isn't enough. I need to live it out. Easily sidetracked by jobs to be done, I can easily miss out on the opportunity to connect with myself. And with God.

Why do I feel so guilty when I include even a half an hour of unplanned time in my calendar?

Parkinson’s Law says : “Work expands to fill the time available for its completion.”

Matthew 6:31-34 (ESV)
Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

Staying Positive

Philippians 4:8 (NIV)
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

I'm finding it incredibly difficult to stay positive at the moment. Staying focused is taking all my energy - it's hard when there are so many around you who are throwing problems at you and expecting you to perform well, when you know in your heart of hearts that you are not working at 100% capacity.

I need to focus in on God today.

The main thing, is that the main thing should be the main thing.

A Cup Of Wisdom

The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.
Socrates

In my dome of ivory,
A home of activity,
I want the answers quickly,
But I don't have no energy.
I hold a cup of wisdom,
But there is nothing within...
(lyrics from 'Sat In Your Lap' by Kate Bush)

In my current stage of recuperation from the recent round of hospital visits I am increasingly aware that I have a tremendous opportunity here to take stock of my life.

And, of course, I need God’s help. In fact, I don't want to move forward without it.

Does prayer guide my life, or do I just make a series of plans and then ask God to bless them?

Dear Lord, please guide me today. Help me not to act on my own wisdom, as I realise how often this is lacking... Help me to seek Your will in every situation. Amen.

A Little Bit Lost

So God led the people around by way of the wilderness of the Red Sea… And the Lord went before them by day in a pillar of cloud to lead the way, and by night in a pillar of fire to give them light, so as to go by day and night (Exodus 13:18, 21, NKJV).

We often speak of the Israelites in the book of Exodus as having “wandered” in the desert for 40 years after being delivered from their slavery in Egypt.

I've felt a bit that way today. A little bit lost. I felt I was wandering a bit. I expect it is because everything was so much up in the air this week. Nothing was normal. On some days I even lost track of what day it was!

I read the passage shown in the adjacent picture earlier during the week and the message contained here keeps on coming back to me - particularly in this regard. Obviously meant to be...

So, has God forgotten me?

He hasn't. I'm just waiting for His leading in my life now. And I know need to pray first and then wait for the leading. Then I can make some plans...

I hope that I hear very soon... can't wait 40 years!

Picking Up The Pieces

Jeremiah 17:14 (The Message)
God, pick up the pieces. Put me back together again. You are my praise!

Today I was trying to get things in my life back to normal. It wasn't as easy as I thought.

I had spent Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday in and out of St Thomas's Hospital, with all the inconvenience that a daily series of outpatient appointments can cause in a busy life. In fact, I did nothing on Wednesday apart from attending hospital and travelling by bus and train. All were draining. And, as expected, there was some physical side-effects from the course of steroid infusions, which threw my system completely out of whack. At least all the treatment seems to be having a positive effect...

I went back to the office today and was able to perform pretty well, but I felt so very tired. The mood swings were definitely well in effect and I tried very hard to hold it all together. At least, until I got in the car to go home. The delays on the motorway due to the Dartford Crossing getting snarled again (emergency repairs on the left bore tunnel) left my home town gridlocked and loused up my plans for the latter half of the day. It left me physically and mentally drained and sapped of energy. I flopped down on the sofa and just laid there for a couple of hours. That's not what I wanted to do tonight - but all I felt like doing.

One of the side-effects of steroids was supposed to be Increased Energy. Certainly not in my case!

Tomorrow will be better. Please...

Please take me away from here...

Leave my door open just a crack
(Please take me away from here)
'Cause I feel like such an insomniac
(Please take me away from here)
Why do I tire of counting sheep
(Please take me away from here)
When I'm far too tired to fall asleep...
(lyrics from "Fireflies" by Owl City)

This is a scarily honest post, be warned. Scary for me.

I've had more than a few visits to the hospital last month with a mystery eye problem. So many that I ended up scaring myself and many, many others who know me and care for me. I'm sorry about that. I really appreciate those of you who reached out to me on email and on social media with prayer support. And my family thanks you, too.

Like the lyric says, I didn't want to be where I ended up. Still don't want to be here, but then why not me? None of us are immune from illness... And sometimes I felt awfully alone. There were too many scenarios to choose from, many involving the treat of major surgery and even worse. I felt quite down sometimes...

However, when things were darkest, and when I really needed Him, God was amazingly and powerfully there with me. He assured me that He was with me, and I need not be scared. The care I received from St Thomas's Hospital in Central London was excellent. I know I am in the best of hands - in God's hands and in safe hands with this hospital...

The treatment I am now on threatens me with mood swings and insomnia (both things I am all too familiar with in my normal life), so I suspect that I will need to take care not to push myself too far - in the month where many Salvationists are out there, going the extra mile to collect for The Big Collection. [sigh]

I would be right there with you. Next year, maybe. Right now, I need to be taking a bit of a back seat.

If I am up all night tonight I'll be praying for you all collecting. I may as well, I'll be awake anyway...

Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit?

    to be out of your sight?

If I climb to the sky, you’re there!

    If I go underground, you’re there!

If I flew on morning’s wings

    to the far western horizon,

You’d find me in a minute—

    you’re already there waiting!

Then I said to myself, “Oh, he even sees me in the dark!

    At night I’m immersed in the light!”

It’s a fact: darkness isn’t dark to you;

    night and day, darkness and light, they’re all the same to you.

(Psalm 139 7-12 : The Message translation)