Saturday Catch-Up - 16th March 2019

"I get knocked down, but I get up again
You're never gonna keep me down
I get knocked down, but I get up again
You're never gonna keep me down..."
(lyrics from 'Tubthumping" by Chumbawamba)

(sigh)
I sprained my ankle on Tuesday. However, it didn't stop me. I got up again, and carried on. I've been through so much over the last few months, so I'm not going to let a little bruising and a little pain get in my way.

So I carry on.

A bit slower than usual, however I am still going.

Bruce Wayne: I wanted to save Gotham. I've failed.
Alfred: Why do we fall, sir? So that we can learn to pick ourselves up.
Bruce: You still haven't given up on me?
Alfred: Never.
(dialogue from 'Batman Begins' movie, 2005)

Isaiah 41:10 (NIV)
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Resting In God's Presence

I've been blogging a lot lately about the need to slow down, and thus be that much closer to God. That's been something that has come out of my recent health experiences - and hopefully I have learnt a bit following this. Hopefully...

There's also been a bit of a recurring theme in a few of the blogs that I have been following lately which have touched on the same subject. Coincidence? I don't think so...

One of the websites I have found have talked quite a bit about abiding, and referred to the book "Abide in Christ," by Andrew Murray, which focused the teachings of Jesus down into three words from John's gospel: "Abide in me."

Another blog made reference to contemplation or meditation.  Taking time out to reflect on the revelations of God.

Yet another used a charismatic Christian term called soaking. To disconnect from the world, and reconnect to God. Resting in God's presence, ready to hear from Him.

I wonder why this keeps going around and around in my head. Mmmm...

Going Slower, But Still Going

It's Monday morning as I start drafting this. The car has just been dropped off for a full service, and I'm chilling out with a latte.

I'm currently in Sidcup, somewhere I used to work in the 1990s. It was a time when the new digital revolution promised society increased productivity, and a better work-life balance.

And we all know that’s not how history has played out. In fact, in the decade after  I worked here I changed jobs a half a dozen times... not always by choice!

I am pleased to relax and just live in the moment today. Just to have a couple of things in the to-do list. And not to get stressed by the huge list of things I should have done, or should be doing...

I'm taking time to savour the coffee, to enjoy the surroundings of the coffee house with the comfy leather chairs. I've two books in my bag to dip into when I need to get on the train this afternoon  (I have a check up at the hospital for my eye)...

I tried to slow things down yesterday too. After church I deliberately sat for fifteen minutes and relaxed. Took some quality time for myself. I still had time to take in the video stream of a large Salvation Army meeting and did well practicing on my guitar (more on this soon!) ... but still took time for me!

I know that I overthink; that I have an overactive mind. Consequently, just telling myself that certain things need to stay in the moment isn't enough. I need to live it out. Easily sidetracked by jobs to be done, I can easily miss out on the opportunity to connect with myself. And with God.

Why do I feel so guilty when I include even a half an hour of unplanned time in my calendar?

Parkinson’s Law says : “Work expands to fill the time available for its completion.”

Matthew 6:31-34 (ESV)
Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

Take It Slow

All my friends are heathens, take it slow
Wait for them to ask you who you know
Please don't make any sudden moves
You don't know the half of the abuse...

...

Why'd you come? You knew you should have stayed
I tried to warn you just to stay away
And now they're outside ready to bust
It looks like you might be one of us...


(from "Heathens" by Twenty One Pilots - written by Tyler Joseph)

Nothing To Do?

We're entering a bit of a slack period at work. It's nearly holiday time, so things are simply not as busy as they usually are. There is time to breathe. Time to relax. Time to think.

It's awful. And I know why I feel that way.

I'm one of these people who need a degree of formal structure to their day. I like to be busy. Both at work and socially. Take away that structure, that busyness, and I start to struggle.

I've been looking closely at my social life today. And it's very clear to me that even here I've been particularly drawn towards structured activities over the years. Clubs, societies, voluntary work. Working as a steward at a large SF convention or at a church event. I've actually lost count of the number of different voluntary roles I have had.

Don't get me wrong - it has been good. It's taken me to places that I would never have visited without that impetus. And I suppose it has given me more control over my social life. There have been so many committees in my life, voluntary roles that gave me a role to play.

Or perhaps, one to hide behind.

Sure, these things have helped boost my self-confidence, however someone reminded me today that that was only in certain ways. If I take off my volunteer's badge, my steward's jacket, what am I?

Do I start losing my reason for being?
Do I start to drift?
Am I becoming Captain Dunsel?

That's my big fear. Without the safety of that form of structure, at work or socially, I end up a bit... well... lost. The world becomes a bit of a scary place. I'm exposed; vulnerable. In extreme cases I may end up without a clue what to say, or even how to behave...

I know quite a bit about time management, how to structure my day to maximise output, achieving deadlines which seem to get tighter and tighter. I pat myself on the back when I scrape under the wire to smash yet another tight deadline... squeezing another little job for someone into an already packed day.

What my real challenge is...

...is slowing down to do stuff for me.

Even when I have an evening off, I usually end up doing some little job or another. I start feeling guilty if I do something for me and mine. I really do.

It's something that I will be unpacking over the next few weeks. When I will have much more time on my hands... And it's my free time.

Slowing Down

Life seems to be one long succession of deadlines and crises. A whole load of complications and unexpected difficulties all coming together. You know what I mean. Suddenly, it's all kicking off.

And here I am in the midst, trying desperately to stay focused, stay anchored; let's face it, to stay sane...

All is changing by the minute. It can be a full-time job just keeping up. And yet, the most important question for me right now is:

Can I hear God’s voice above all the noise?

I need to be still. To find that little niche of calm, of reflection on what has proved to be another chaotic day. I'm trying to slow down, but find my mind still racing...

I need to wait upon the Lord. To seek Him in silence and solitude, to hear His voice.

Regretfully, there's not much quiet on the 1627 to Dartford, this evening. (sigh)

Help me find that calm, Lord.

Help me find you tonight.

Help me to slow down.

Overthinking - and Dealing With It

My name is Colin and I like to think.

I'm told this is increasingly rare nowadays. There's definitely a bit of a social taboo prevalent in modern society about thinking too deeply about anything.

I'm different, because I'm not made that way. For me, the problem is simply knowing when to stop. The best way that I can describe it is with the attached picture, found on the 'net.

I'll come in of an evening and I'll find it incredibly difficult to stop thinking through the things that have happened in my day. I might be mulling over something that happened; a new place I have been to; someone new I have met, some interesting fact that I've picked up; a conversation shared. Something or other will dominate my thinking.

My mind refuses to rest until I've processed whatever it is. If I come in too late in the evening, I find it very hard to slow down enough to sleep. I'll toss and turn, listening to my own internal dialogue reviewing my day over and over. Until it's all neatly in place. Until I've closed that last tab and shut down for the night.

I have read up a little on this. The human brain is created with the capacity to make billions of neural connections every minute and to soak up information like a sponge. Sir Kenneth Robinson claimed in a recent talk that children start to lose this ability once they enter the formal education system. He concludes that it's we teach them to fear being wrong. Eventually, children slowly stop offering their own creative, out-of-the-box ideas. True creativity is removed from the agenda.

Nevertheless, the adult mind is constantly gathering information in all sorts of ways - formal, informal, gossip, hearsay. If we have too much information at hand (and let's face it, in modern society information overload is easy!), our minds get overwhelmed. Add to that the fear of being wrong, is it any wonder that people choose either:

• to limit their choices (not to think too deeply)
• to explore their choices (ending up with a tendency to overthink)

___________________________________

Slartibartfast: Perhaps I'm old and tired, but I think that the chances of finding out what's actually going on are so absurdly remote that the only thing to do is to say, "Hang the sense of it," and keep yourself busy. I'd much rather be happy than right any day. 
Arthur Dent: And are you? 
Slartibartfast: Ah, no. [laughs] Well, that's where it all falls down, of course. 
(lines from 'The Hitch-Hiker's Guide To The Galaxy)

___________________________________

A lot of friends are aware of my tendency to overthink and suggest ways to help me, I'm keen to work on this too - not to stop thinking, but to discipline my thinking, and particularly to ensure that I can still hear God's voice and encouragement rather that my own internal dialogue.

More in part two, later this week

Falling Over ... Again

A little after I posted up the first of my contributions to my recent Christmas Carol article, someone rather unexpected happened.

I slipped over and fractured my ankle. An anticipated six weeks in plaster.

I don't know what is worse. The pain from the ankle; the lack of mobility that now slows me right down to a mere crawl; the realisation that I am now able to do so much less than I had originally planned this December. Anything I can do I will still do, but the list of possible jobs is greatly reduced. But I am still able to do something. I need to do something.

My mind still works, however the body struggles and fails to keep up.  I've had some recent experience of this following my little tumble in January 2009, recorded here . I may be down, but don't count me out yet.

Psalm 37:23-24 (New International Version, ©2010)
The LORD makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him;
though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him with his hand.

I Get Knocked Down...

"I get knocked down
But I get up again
You're never going to keep me down."
Tubthumping, by Chumbawamba

I've had a curious week this week, as I've been under instructions from my doctor to take it easy, and unable to rush around as much as I'm used to. I've been dependent on painkillers to make me comfortable, hugging a hot water bottle to my injured side like a child hugs a favourite teddy. My sleep pattern has been broken, and I find I haven't been able to sleep in my usual position, which is strangely alarming. And I've had bucket-loads of time on my hands - ideal, as Chris and I are set to attend a Salvation Army conference next weekend. It's been a time of healing, both physically and mentally, and I've prayed and read a lot this week.

Today is Saturday, and I'm starting to gear myself up to normality, getting ready for go back into harness next week. However, things are strangely different in my mind, and I am encouraged that things need to be different if I seek to move forward in my Christian walk. God's timing is, as ever, perfect. Romans 8:28 informs me that "all things are working together for good" if we love the Lord. Is my stumble on the path therefore something that God has used this week?

2 Corinthians 4:8-10 (New Living Translation)
We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies.

All stop!

Sometimes you have to do more than just slow down. Sometimes you are stopped right in your tracks!

It got so bad on Monday that I decided to go to my doctor. If you know me well, you know things have to get really bad for me to make such a decision, and just as well... the 'little tumble' that I took last week which caused me to slow down did more than just knock the wind out of me. My doctor confirmed yesterday that I had cracked two ribs, and so I'm at home now on painkillers and strict orders to take it easy. I don't know what hurts more; my ribs or the fact that I'm so restricted in what I can do!

My body may need healing but my mind is still active, so I'm steadily working through a pile of books that I've been meaning to read. And that should mean I will have plenty to blog about soon.

Psalm 103:1-5 (NIV)

Praise the LORD, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Praise the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits - who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.

Slow down

The 59th Street Bridge Song (Feelin' Groovy) is a song by Simon and Garfunkel, which is on the top of my mind today. The first verse goes:

Slow down, you move too fast.
You got to make the morning last.
Just kicking down the cobble stones.
Looking for fun and feelin' groovy.

I've found I've had to slow down today - following my little tumble last week I just can't seem to pick up any speed! I find I've still got plenty to do but I find I just have to slow right down in order to get anywhere. And just for the record I'd like to add that I don't feel particularly 'groovy' either!

It doesn't help matters when I know that my friends and colleagues have been telling me of the importance of slowing down for a while. I just wish that I hadn't learnt this lesson in such a *painful* fashion!