Going Slower, But Still Going

It's Monday morning as I start drafting this. The car has just been dropped off for a full service, and I'm chilling out with a latte.

I'm currently in Sidcup, somewhere I used to work in the 1990s. It was a time when the new digital revolution promised society increased productivity, and a better work-life balance.

And we all know that’s not how history has played out. In fact, in the decade after  I worked here I changed jobs a half a dozen times... not always by choice!

I am pleased to relax and just live in the moment today. Just to have a couple of things in the to-do list. And not to get stressed by the huge list of things I should have done, or should be doing...

I'm taking time to savour the coffee, to enjoy the surroundings of the coffee house with the comfy leather chairs. I've two books in my bag to dip into when I need to get on the train this afternoon  (I have a check up at the hospital for my eye)...

I tried to slow things down yesterday too. After church I deliberately sat for fifteen minutes and relaxed. Took some quality time for myself. I still had time to take in the video stream of a large Salvation Army meeting and did well practicing on my guitar (more on this soon!) ... but still took time for me!

I know that I overthink; that I have an overactive mind. Consequently, just telling myself that certain things need to stay in the moment isn't enough. I need to live it out. Easily sidetracked by jobs to be done, I can easily miss out on the opportunity to connect with myself. And with God.

Why do I feel so guilty when I include even a half an hour of unplanned time in my calendar?

Parkinson’s Law says : “Work expands to fill the time available for its completion.”

Matthew 6:31-34 (ESV)
Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

So Annoying

Let me tell you a bit about last Thursday.

The day became a bit of a battleground, I must admit. At the start of the week, over a hundred different problems stood in the way of me getting the following Friday off work.  You'll never make it, the little negative voice in my head said. I was suitably defiant.

By the time Thursday arrived, the barriers to getting my own way were down to a mere handful. The day was still far from easy, and definitely 'shots were fired'.  Nevertheless, I stood my ground, determined to see it through, ticking off one by one the urgent jobs that I had to get done; swerving the distractions and people who sought to derail my precious to-do list for the day.

Why did I need Friday off? Because it was the funeral of a very dear friend. I had feared that I was going to have to cry off, but I knuckled down. I went the extra mile and worked past my normal clocking-off time during the week so I could make it happen, as it was becoming increasingly clear to me that I should be there. I was so chuffed to leave my desk clear as I went home.

I raced home, and quickly changed so I could go out again and give blood. The donation session was booked at least 4 months before. No problem, no great concern, the day had been planned around it.

But the donation didn't happen. There wasn't enough iron in my blood. I mean, not anything to cause me medical issues, just not enough for the nurse to approve me to donate.

They measured it precisely. For anyone whose medically trained, apparently my Haemoglobin level needed to be 135g/l or over to donate.

It was 134. Argh!

No big deal, you might think. And you'd be right.

But it was so annoying. One point. One!

And I swear I could hear a cackling laugh in the background as I left the venue to drive home...

My Best Laid Plans

"But Mousie, thou art no thy lane,
In proving foresight may be vain:
The best-laid schemes o' mice an' men
Gang aft agley,
An' lea'e us nought but grief an' pain,
For promis'd joy!"

Words there from Scottish writer Robert Burns, taken from his poem 'To A Mouse'. Wise words indeed, despite the dialect. For it seems that, no matter how much I strive to develop a strategy, rehearse a prepared script or otherwise map things out beforehand, my 'best laid plans' do very often go awry...

Looking back over a busy February, I can see that things haven't gone at all to plan. Nothing particularly disastrous has happened, however I don't think anything has gone without a hitch. In many cases I've needed to go the extra mile just to see 'business as usual' go through. 

February 2014 has seen plans cancelled, postponed or get completely rearranged due to: bad weather, people not turning up when they should be there, a favour to a friend, growing pressures from family, people suddenly turning up when they said they wouldn't be there (!), a couple of mystery reasons (nothing was ever explained!), health issues, money issues, etc, etc. It's been exhausting - but it's now a new month. I survived - a little bruised and battered, a little poorer...

I am so glad that there is one sure constant in my daily walk on this Earth. One reliable, ever-present friend... and, as others keep reminding me, He has a plan for my life.

Many have used a particular promise, as shown in Jeremiah 29:11, as a source of comfort to them in a chaotic and unpredictable world. The ESV translation says:

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."

However, there is more to this verse than meets the eye. I've read some of the commentaries. Perhaps you should, too. It's well worth having a look at this reading in context; study it; mull on it. There's more to it than that...

You think He is going to pull you out of a bad situation, give you an idyllic 'happy ending'? Maybe - but not in the short-term. It could take years...

And it's not a one-way street. I'm conscious that there needs to be a degree of commitment on my side. I am aware that God wants me in this for the long haul, not simply for a quick win.

I reflect on the future. Still unspoilt, pristine. Still unwritten. And I know there is still work that needs to be done; something else that He needs me to do. I just don't know what it is yet...

I do often sit and wonder what God has in mind for the rest of my life. What great tasks are still ahead of me. Whatever His bigger plan is, I still cannot see. 

I push the doors that I think God wants me to; some remain firmly shut. Others open just a little, but there is often nothing there for me; I am disappointed. Wherever He is leading me, I fail to fully comprehend. It's clearly one of those things that will take time to unfold. 

However, I will trust Him. I need to trust Him.

House Of Cards

Why is it that you can identify a problem, get a particular idea in your head as to how to solve it, spend an hour or two working out an entire plan of action, get everyone to agree - and when you start applying it, it simply doesn't work; the plan starts to fall down like a house of cards!

What went wrong? Were there simply too many chances for things to go awry? Did the individuals concerned really commit to the plan? Should there have been more planning? Was this the right way to go about it?

Or should we have done something else in the first place?

Oh well. Back to square one.

James 4:13-16 (NIV)
Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that." As it is, you boast in your arrogant schemes. All such boasting is evil.

Unplanned?

The thought from the daily reading passage leapt at me, as if it was especially meant for me today.

It talked about having a full calendar, busy with meetings, problems to solve, things to do. Despite all this planning, there's always a whole host of unplanned events which complicate the day. During the reading of this passage I took note; this could have been my life over the last few months, full of sudden changes, having to think again, battling frustration...

The reading went on to list a few notable 'interruptions' from the normal routine, times when things certainly didn't go to plan...

Mary's plans were interrupted by the arrival of an angel. Her life would be turned upside down (Luke 1:26-31).

Saul's journey to Damascus was interrupted - his life changed forever thanks to that interruption (Acts 9:1-9).

Man's plans aren't the same as God's plans. But His way is best. Deal with it; roll with it. What He has in plan is awesome!