Wedding Clothes?

The meeting at the Hall last Sunday was based on The Parable of the Wedding Feast, found in Matthew 22:1-14 - here's the NIV version:

Jesus spoke to them again in parables, saying: 2 ‘The kingdom of heaven is like a king who prepared a wedding banquet for his son. 3 He sent his servants to those who had been invited to the banquet to tell them to come, but they refused to come.

4 ‘Then he sent some more servants and said, “Tell those who have been invited that I have prepared my dinner: my oxen and fattened cattle have been slaughtered, and everything is ready. Come to the wedding banquet.”

5 ‘But they paid no attention and went off – one to his field, another to his business. 6 The rest seized his servants, ill-treated them and killed them. 7 The king was enraged. He sent his army and destroyed those murderers and burned their city.

8 ‘Then he said to his servants, “The wedding banquet is ready, but those I invited did not deserve to come. 9 So go to the street corners and invite to the banquet anyone you find.” 10 So the servants went out into the streets and gathered all the people they could find, the bad as well as the good, and the wedding hall was filled with guests.

11 ‘But when the king came in to see the guests, he noticed a man there who was not wearing wedding clothes. 12 He asked, “How did you get in here without wedding clothes, friend?” The man was speechless.

13 ‘Then the king told the attendants, “Tie him hand and foot, and throw him outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.”

14 ‘For many are invited, but few are chosen.’

 

One detail from the account is that the king notices a man not wearing wedding clothes. When the man cannot give an excuse for the fact he is incorrectly dressed, the king has him tied up and thrown into the outer darkness. 

It's the reference to wearing the proper clothing which has stayed with me this week. Modern day weddings would have guests supplying their own clothing (or hiring their clothes from Moss Bros - other retailers are available), so are we missing some detail which needs further explanation?

The Wedding Feast was one of the most joyous occasions in Jewish life and the event could last for up to a week. Thus, it was traditional for the king or lord to provide clean wedding garments for all of his guests. 

The only modern equivalent to this tradition relates to the bridesmaids' dresses, which are usually paid for by the wedding organiser. The only other adornment provided would be a corsage or a buttonhole for the other guests. Everyone else who need to source their own fancy clothing ...

To clarify, hosts at weddings in biblical times provided guests with a full change of clothes. These garments weren’t about fashion. They symbolised honour, purity, and belonging. This also ensured that everyone, regardless of their background, had the proper clothing for the occasion.

The question is raised in verse 11 because the wedding guest in question isn't wearing the wedding clothing.  He is inappropriately dressed ... and it's pretty obvious. Did the servants failed to screen the wedding guests carefully, or did the man sneak into the back of the hall in some way? It is queried and clarified that the man was on the guest list, however he has deliberately refused to wear what was given to him. It’s about someone who rejected the host's provision and tried to enter on his own terms. 

You might feel that the subsequent eviction from the Wedding Feast is not particularly nice - particularly after the earlier passage of inviting the whosoever to the feast! However, remember God is good.

This is because the parable confirms the wearing of wedding clothing is symbolic of being covered by the righteousness of Jesus (see Romans 3:21–31). Participation in the feast requires accepting God's provision rather than relying on one's own goodness.

Cleansing of the Temple

The famous incident of Jesus cleansing the temple is actually recorded in all four Gospels: 

• Matthew 21:12–13
• Mark 11:15–18
• Luke 19:45–48
• John 2:13–17

I will leave you to review each of these passages.

John's inclusion of the making a whip out of cords means Jesus' actions were deliberate, leaving us with no mistake about his intent. This wasn't a spur of the moment incident.

Given that such an act in a temple could be seen as a capital offence by the Romans, Ben Witherington III says that "It is very unlikely that the early church, while involved in evangelism and seeking acceptance at all levels of society, would make up a tradition about Jesus performing some sort of violent action in the temple."

Again, the question remains: was Jesus 'nice'?

More on the topic of 'niceness'

Just following on from yesterday's blog entry. If we are to be like Jesus, remember he calls us to be good, however that doesn't mean we should be nice. 

A few weeks ago the Sunday meeting was on the topic of Lazarus, and on Jesus' response to hearing that his friend had recently fallen ill. I've blogged on this before, however never from this particular angle. Just listen to this:

John 11: 1-7 (NIV)
Now a man named Lazarus was sick. He was from Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha. 2 (This Mary, whose brother Lazarus now lay sick, was the same one who poured perfume on the Lord and wiped his feet with her hair.) 3 So the sisters sent word to Jesus, “Lord, the one you love is sick.” 4 When he heard this, Jesus said, “This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.” 5 Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. 6 So when he heard that Lazarus was sick, he stayed where he was two more days, 7 and then he said to his disciples, “Let us go back to Judea.”

Now, it seems to me that Jesus didn't do the thing that any nice person would have done. He did not drop everything to rush back to his friends to see if he could help. When he heard that Lazarus was sick, he stayed exactly where he was for two more days. The nice thing to do would be to come back to support the sisters. He didn't. Not straight away. 

Why? Exactly the same question that the sisters asked Jesus when they eventually saw him. This is the part which challenges me at the moment; why did Jesus act in this way? What is this detail teaching me?

To break this down further, the message from Martha and Mary was coming from Bethany, some two miles from Jerusalem. Jesus was in Bethabara, just across the Jordan River, about 20 to 25 miles (32 to 40 kms) away.  This was approximately two days away by foot; involving a steep descent and climb across desert terrain and the Jordan Valley. It also wasn't safe to travel by night. So the message probably took a full two days to reach Jesus. 

Jesus then waited a further two days; then he started to travel back. From the moment that the sisters called for Jesus a likely period of six days had elapsed before Jesus returns to Bethany, by which time it would be too late. This intentional delay meant Lazarus was already dead by the time Jesus arrived - which, with hindsight, we now know set the stage for a greater miracle.

Jesus was not uncaring -  he showed his feelings by crying with the grieving family, giving us the famous short verse "Jesus wept" before he raised Lazarus from the tomb. However, he acted with deliberate purpose to stay away - a decision that confuses his friends. 

By the time Jesus arrived in Bethany, there was absolutely no doubt that Lazarus was dead. In fact, scripture records that he arrives four days after Lazarus was buried and in his tomb. Even if he had left immediately that he had got the news, it would still be after Lazarus died. 

Remember - Jesus wasn’t denying Mary and Martha when he waited those two additional days. He had a different agenda. Jesus was preparing them for something far better than they could have ever imagined. 

Is Jesus 'Nice'?

“Aslan is a lion- the Lion, the great Lion." 

"Ooh" said Susan. "I'd thought he was a man. Is he - quite safe? I shall feel rather nervous about meeting a lion"...

"Safe?" said Mr Beaver ..."Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the King, I tell you.”

C.S. Lewis, The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe

So, if we are to be like Jesus, we are to be good. However, does that mean we need to be nice?

So, purely from the biblical records that we have, was Jesus nice? 

The word nice is not to be found in the Bible. While both nice and good are positive words, nice focuses on being outwardly (and superficially) pleasant and polite, whereas good runs much deeper, pointing to moral character, real care for people, and inner integrity. 

We know from scripture that Jesus was loving, compassionate, and kind. However, modern definitions of niceness - avoiding conflict, being inoffensive, having a polite demeanour - do not fit with what we know of Jesus. 

Not sure? Why not re-read the Gospel accounts of Jesus with this in mind?

Letting Go - Part Three

In the first two parts of what has turned out to be a series of blog entries on forgiveness, and whilst studying how to let go of things in the past, I have arrived at the inevitable conclusion that I had been hurt much harder by some past experiences than even I had imagined. In fact, there are a couple of hurts that are only now coming to light, hiding beneath what was an obvious injury. It's like I had only dealt with the flesh wound, without realising that there was a broken bone just below...

In this 21st Century world of ours, society expects us to put on a brave face to pretty much everybody. If you show any sign of weakness, you are assured of being a 'wuss', or at best of 'having your heart on your sleeve'. Somebody told me (coincidentally, the same one who said recently that I was 'too nice') that I was 'too easy a target'. Maybe so, kind sir - but did you have to take the shot?

So I have been taking a more realistic look at my 'hurt'. And how I seem to come over to others. Am I trying to maintain a 'poor me' image? I really don't think so. If anything, the opposite. I think I've been trying to convince people that I am strong during times when I was far from it... in essence, faking it until I felt better.

For instance, I used to have a problem with answering questions like "How are you today?" on a day when things haven't gone so well. I didn't want to lie and say "fine" ... and if I told the truth and said something I could be accused of fishing for sympathy... which is not what I am looking for. Sure, maybe the person asking doesn’t really care how you are. But he or she did ask, so I need to respond...

You see, "fine" is simply mundane. And possibly a lie... Unless, as one website said, it's an acronym for "Feelings I’m Not Expressing". I'm working on some better responses now; don't find this easy (it's too much like 'small talk', ugh!) but it's a work in progress.

**** **** ****

These times of reflection over this Lent period has done much to underline the terrific promise that, when I can eventually let go of these hurts, I can then take hold of something far, far better. Including God's unconditional, overflowing love for each and every one of us.

And here's another little problem; I know in my head that I am loved. However, sometimes I have trouble feeling this in my heart. Especially on those dark days when I can't keep but dwelling on that one negative remark that someone has made, simply ignoring all of the good things that have happened that same day... Why do I have trouble feeling this?

The Lent course that we have been studying at our Corps reminded me that we all have bad days as well as good. There needs to be difficult times. It's all part of life. Throughout His period on this Earth Jesus taught us all that pain, suffering and death precede resurrection and freedom from pain. He was mocked, scourged, and spat upon. And it wasn't His fault.

So, it's really OK to feel angry when you get emotionally hurt - in the same way that you feel pain from a physical hurt. However, it's not good if you continue to live in that moment of pain - never moving beyond that feeling, never healing and recovering from the 'hurt'. Numb to anything else...

There's so much to this topic - so there's more to come!!!

Am I Too Nice?

My name is Colin and apparently I have a problem. I am 'too nice'. Or so I was told last week.

Sure, I do things differently.

I try and be polite, when others that I know seem to strive to be downright rude and obnoxious...

I try and be helpful, when others clearly don't care a fig and genuinely prefer to knock people - and even kick them while they're down ...

I try and be punctual, when others seem to consider appointment times as merely a suggestion...

I try and be respectful of other's views, unlike others who are absurdly judgemental and outrageously close-minded...

So, is that wrong? Have I got it that wrong?

I read something online this week that said the key point here was having self-respect. It was having a clear sense of who you are and what you want out of life...

And, as a Christian, I am challenged to follow Jesus - to try and be like more and more like Jesus...

OK, then. Perhaps I need to take as my role model the person who made a whip, driving out the money-changers from the temple, turning over their sales tables.

The person who threw insults at the religious leaders of the time: “white-washed tombs”; “hypocrites”; “snakes.”

The person who frequently challenged conventional ways of thinking...

The person who went out of his way to befriend the friendless; to love the unloved. Revolutionary love!

The person who wasn't scared of showing his emotions, openly weeping at times.

The person who boldly proclaimed the truth, even if it offended those who heard it.

The person who taught with so much controversy that some threatened to stone him. They eventually found a way to have him crucified.

And even death itself could not contain Him.

What if I followed this right to the letter... I doubt if they would be calling me 'nice' for much longer... more for me to think about!!

Note: I am also reminded that the 'others' that I mentioned in the first part of this blog post are perhaps the very people Jesus is calling me to help... (sigh)

Selfish or selfless - an update

This is the continuation of a blog entry that I made a year or so ago. I have gone back to this subject after reading an article from an online newsletter on a concept called the 'Disease to Please'. The term goes back to a book by the late Harriet Braiker entitled 'The Disease to Please - Curing the People-Pleasing Syndrome'. The book describes a 'people pleaser' as someone who prefers to ignore his or her own needs and to centre on satisfying the needs of others. That's exactly what I mean by selfless. However, the book then asks the question "Do you ever say yes when what you really want to say is no?"

It's all a question of motivation. Are you a good person - a hero - a 'nice guy'? Surely it's not a bad thing to want to be helpful... who doesn't want to be liked? And aren't we as Christians called to act with generosity, with lives of gratitude and service? Besides which, isn't it a bit selfish of us to say no to someone who needs our help?

Apparently, some doctors are now saying this 'Disease to Please' could actually harm us or even kill us. You end up in a situation where the answer is always yes, even in cases when it may inconvenience you. The emotional build-up of not being able to say no increases our stress. The adrenaline released as a result makes your heart beat faster than normal, your blood pressure rise and blood vessels narrow. That can lead to a heart attack or a stroke. Extreme maybe, but there you are...

Working out where you are with this 'condition' involves a bit of self-analysis. I'm told you start by looking at your real motivation. Try asking yourself "Why am I doing this? What am I expecting in return?" If you can answer 'nothing' then your motivation is pure. If there's another answer then it's worth giving this further thought. Have you got a hidden agenda?

One problem with a selfless lifestyle is that your own needs could go unaddressed. Don't forget to programme in some 'me time' in your schedule... Remember that your own family deserve to have a share of you as much as anyone. Perhaps you need to block out some time for them, too.

Then comes the matter of assertiveness. Try saying no once in a while - and then sticking to it. If you have a problem in saying no, then at least don't say 'yes' straight away. Buying time is at least a start. Nothing is so urgent you cannot take time to think about it.

Comments are most welcome!

"But it's all right now, I learned my lesson well.
You see, ya can't please everyone, so ya got to please yourself"
(chorus to 'Garden Party' by Ricky Nelson)