To thine own self be true

Polonius:
This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
Farewell, my blessing season this in thee!

Laertes:
Most humbly do I take my leave, my lord.
Hamlet Act 1, scene 3, 78–82

A quote from Shakespeare, there. Never thought I'd end up quoting the Bard in the blog today... but that's what happens when you start mulling over a particular phrase or saying and end up tracing it right back to the source... this follows a period of self-reflection. Did I make the right decision there?

Sure, came the initial answer. Got to be true to yourself, haven't you? Which led me up to this point, and to the realisation that Shakespeare made the character of Polonius a bit of a parody of a character - more the fool than the wise man...

And I keep asking myself the question:  so, then, am I guilty of simply spouting platitudes and glib phrases, or do I actually want to be out there making a difference in this world?

Do I want to be simply true to an altruistic public image, or more that I want to true to who God has made me and wants me to be?

Am I prepared to upset the apple cart?

Are people prepared for the fallout if I start saying things that people won't like?

Am I Too Nice?

My name is Colin and apparently I have a problem. I am 'too nice'. Or so I was told last week.

Sure, I do things differently.

I try and be polite, when others that I know seem to strive to be downright rude and obnoxious...

I try and be helpful, when others clearly don't care a fig and genuinely prefer to knock people - and even kick them while they're down ...

I try and be punctual, when others seem to consider appointment times as merely a suggestion...

I try and be respectful of other's views, unlike others who are absurdly judgemental and outrageously close-minded...

So, is that wrong? Have I got it that wrong?

I read something online this week that said the key point here was having self-respect. It was having a clear sense of who you are and what you want out of life...

And, as a Christian, I am challenged to follow Jesus - to try and be like more and more like Jesus...

OK, then. Perhaps I need to take as my role model the person who made a whip, driving out the money-changers from the temple, turning over their sales tables.

The person who threw insults at the religious leaders of the time: “white-washed tombs”; “hypocrites”; “snakes.”

The person who frequently challenged conventional ways of thinking...

The person who went out of his way to befriend the friendless; to love the unloved. Revolutionary love!

The person who wasn't scared of showing his emotions, openly weeping at times.

The person who boldly proclaimed the truth, even if it offended those who heard it.

The person who taught with so much controversy that some threatened to stone him. They eventually found a way to have him crucified.

And even death itself could not contain Him.

What if I followed this right to the letter... I doubt if they would be calling me 'nice' for much longer... more for me to think about!!

Note: I am also reminded that the 'others' that I mentioned in the first part of this blog post are perhaps the very people Jesus is calling me to help... (sigh)

Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word...

I have been reflecting for a day or two on a comment someone made recently - that I think just a little too much.

People say I take things (sarcasm, criticism) too much to heart because I tend to dwell on it. Interesting, really, because I always thought that the fact that I dwell on things and try not to react immediately is a strength... I tend to think things through before giving a definitive answer. If you ask me for a quick answer, you will usually get one - but I guarantee that it won't necessarily be the best answer! No, I tend to stall for time... time to think. It's how I operate best.

However, on deeper reflection this is not the image I am portraying. You see, people seem to take note of the first thing that I say; the 'knee-jerk' reaction that they get. My usual standby answer is more often than not an apology. Sorry that I can't do that for you. Sorry that you are upset about that. Sorry this; Sorry that. You may even be sorry for saying sorry!  

Why? I even end up throwing out apologies in situations where it's later revealed that I'm actually in the right! Is this learned behaviour from deep within, telling me to apologise? If so, I guess that sort of instant reaction isn't serving me too well any more...

Folks that are cleverer than I tell me that it's all to do with the plasticity in the brain - how the brain fires. Negative thinking embedded from a couple of particularly nasty experiences in earlier life may be triggering self-deprecating thoughts in me. Telling me "I'm a failure." The fallback position is one of self-defence. Yes, even when I'm in the right!

If this is true, I need to unlearn this. Or, at least, I need to answer differently. Break the habit of the 'knee-jerk' reaction. I've already started to see things as they truly are, not as I have previously perceived them to be. Or, even, how others tell me they should be.

I'm told you can interrupt and (over time) alter these sort of behaviour. I'm looking at this right now. And I believe that, with my Lord's help, I will ultimately become free of it. 

Romans 12:1-2 (MSG)

So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.

Anger - some points to consider

Surely anger can't really be a good thing? I do appreciate those friends who have listened patiently when I've been bouncing idea after idea off them about this topic recently. Yet this is something I need to get to grips with before I can move on with the next stage of my life. And it's long overdue...

As you know, the book I'm currently reading actually tries to show me how to "turn anger into a friend". What do you think? What is your opinion on some of these concepts? Honesty warning - some very personal topics covered here!!

Firstly, is anger actually protective? Take for example, the scenario where a member of your family is in danger. You leap into instinctive action. You don't often get a chance to stop and choose your course of action - your natural instincts take over. That baser instinct allows us to act quickly. This is part of God's basic programming of man - His way of protecting your family from harm. One writer I read recently said that anger can be one of those 'instincts'. To tell you the truth, I'm not so sure. Yes, I know that reaction is still instinctual; I still think how we react can still be a matter of choice. If the whole thing is instinct, surely there's no way to change...

Can anger be an indicator of your deeper feelings? In cases of severe injustice (or perceived injustice), when things need to dramatically change, you may feel a swell of anger inside you, letting you know that things aren't right, and giving you the power to do something about it. This touches on something that I blogged about earlier - the untapped resource, a well of power from within me.I know this is genuine, I've felt this.

Here's another scenario - your child's doctor won't listen to your concerns about their health. Should you just meekly accept the decision? Or should you be allowing yourself to let the anger surface? If you do let rip at the doctor, you could start to stir things up and get the problem diagnosed and solved. However, you could be saddled with a reputation of being a troublemaker! Another alternative - if you don't say anything, you could well be back to the doctor in a few months with a stress-related disorder - not allowing the anger to surface could well be unhealthy!

So, here's the thing. Is anger normal? That's the most important question so far for me. After years of bottling up feelings of anger because people have told me time and again 'now is not the right time to show them', I am now finally empowered. It's OK for me to be angry. In fact, it's a God-given ability. Unfortunately countless years of repressed anger still sit there as bitterness. I need to unpack this - this is still a work in progress.

Here's another quote from the book I'm currently reading: "Feeling anger is normal; not feeling anger is abnormal. Because feeling anger seems abnormal, we unconsciously repress anger feelings. We deny we are feeling angry toward another person. We think there is something wrong with us when we have angry feelings toward others. Angry feelings are not wrong. Rather, it is how we express anger that is often wrong. God gave us anger for protection from danger. When the 'anger button' goes off, we are alerted to danger. We need to use our awareness of danger to trace the cause of our anger." ('Healing Life's Hurts' by Graham Bretherick, page 116)

Can anger tell you what to do next? Your little darling has left his or her toys all over the house again! However, yelling at your little precious isn't exactly going to get their cooperation. Indeed, it may actually reinforce their annoying behaviour - they'll start to 'tune you out'. Is this expression of anger telling you that this doesn't work; that your expectations are too high; that the rule isn't actually clear enough? Are you angry mostly at your child or at yourself? Think it through. We're encouraged to use the energy released by the anger to trigger a change of approach; follow it up with consistent action.

Are you angry at yourself? Sure. I've certainly been there. However, if I go around beating myself up and telling myself, say, that I am a bad parent for things that happen in my family that I'll end up making a self-fulfilling prophecy. I'll end up as a parent with no confidence in my own abilities - powerless and, quite frankly, useless. God forbid...

So, here's another dilemma - I can't really lose my rag all of the time, disbursing that energy outwards, in fact spraying it all around. I can't bottle it up - it'll fester and mutate into bitterness. I can't turn it inward into myself. So, how do I let it out? Recently I've been retreating into the printed word. I end up writing pages and pages like this one - reams and reams of paper, huge chunks of computer memory. Some of this I actually publish, some I delete...I spend a good deal of time in self-examination, trying to challenge my own  misperceptions.  

Can I find a suitable outlet for my anger? Another good question. I'm assured that how we handle angry outbursts depends on what you saw and heard when you grew up. If your mum or dad shouted at you, chances are you'll be led to follow when dealing with your own children. Fortunately, I am assured that if you were taught one anger expression style in your youth you can learn another. We need - I need - to go back to school here, rethink the whole idea that feeling anger is bad. I need to deal with my feelings appropriately and then move on. I need to forgive. Burying those unresolved feelings will eventually lead to passive aggression (withdrawal) and will incubate into bitterness.

"Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other just as in Christ, God forgave you." Ephesians 4:30-32

Comments on any or all of the above awaited. Prayers welcomed.

Made In His Image

This past weekend has been extremely busy, however I'm so glad that I was there for last night's Divisional meeting. The subject being aired at the conclusion of the meeting was an important one for me to hear. It emphasised that we are all made in the image of God.

The theme beautifully complements a book I am reading at present, so you can see how the subject matter caught my attention. The book mentions that many of our spiritual problems stem from an incorrect image that we may have of God. If this image is wrong, this in turn affects our own self-image. We try and become more like our God, but the image we have of Him is wrong, so we end up aiming for the wrong thing! As we get to know God better through His word, our image of God improves and we are remoulded in His image.

The following quote from Colossians was then used:

Colossians 3:4-5 (The Message)

When Christ (your real life, remember) shows up again on this earth, you'll show up, too-the real you, the glorious you. Meanwhile, be content with obscurity, like Christ. And that means killing off everything connected with that way of death: sexual promiscuity, impurity, lust, doing whatever you feel like whenever you feel like it, and grabbing whatever attracts your fancy. That's a life shaped by things and feelings instead of by God.

These words simply wouldn't go away when I went up to bed last night and are still working through me as I review the verses again in The Message translation this morning.  Guess my mind is in the Potter's Hands. Today I am giving Him my feelings and leaving Him to remould them.

God is at work.