Having A Grateful Heart

I guess we all know someone who is ungrateful. They take what is given to them, and seem to take it all for granted. Never truly satisfied with life, they're often perpetually grumpy, continually beset with troubles and woes; upset with pretty much the entire world for the 'bad things' that happen to them.

And then there's the other extreme. Perhaps these folks may even endure exactly the same troubles and woes - but there is a difference. They always try to greet the world with a smile. They seem to be able to see the silver lining in their particular cloud.

What makes these two types of people so different?

It's not what happens to them - actually, it's how they react to what happens...

Unfortunately, bad things do happen, even to good people. What happens next is all up to us. We all have a choice - from moment to moment - as to how to react.  After a while these choices and our reactions become ingrained, become habitual. But there's good news - even long-standing habits can be broken!

I must admit that I went through a very dark time in my life - I was not in a good place for what I thought was a very long time. Some nasty things happened a few years ago, and I didn't handle it well. Large chunks of my life were filled with bitterness and resentment. The good news is - I got through that - in some sense, I'm still getting through it. It helped me to realise my absolute need to develop a well of gratitude in my life.

Carefully guard your thoughts because they are the source of true life.
Proverbs 4:23 (CEV)

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.
Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)

One quotation that I found on the internet I found useful. It said "an apple tree is not an apple tree because there are apples on it. There are apples on the tree because it is an apple tree." Profound. The problem lies within each of us - the heart is the issue. So that feeling of gratitude should come from our heart - literally, we should have a grateful heart.

Developing a grateful heart isn't easy. How can you be grateful, if the circumstances you are terrible? How can you fight large amounts of discouragement, even extremes such as sickness or even death? How can you be grateful 'in all circumstances' as scripture puts it? Surely, that's not possible. At worst, that is delusion, even denial.

Actually, gratitude is developing a positive mindset through which you can filter your experiences. And that, in my experience, is developed out of a personal relationship with Christ. It's only through the help of Jesus that we can win through. If you think that you are without hope, you are. However, I believe - I know - there is always hope. It takes time. I still don't get it right - I'm still fighting against those ingrained habits. But I'm getting there...

Gratitude is:

• looking at your own life experiences and finding a way to use it to help or support others
• believing that things can be different and that you can change even if only in a small way.

Gratitude is not:

• denying that you are suffering, or in pain
• being grateful for the suffering or pain

Finally, gratitude is a whole lot better than bitterness, which is destructive. Bitterness drives a wedge between ourselves and others, encouraging resentment of them  and "how we perceive their lives to be". Because - actually - other people's lives are never as good as you may think they are...

“Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle” ― J.M. Barrie

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

(1 Thessalonians 5:18 ESV)

The Easy Way... Or The Hard Way?

Romans 7:14-20 (NIV)
We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

The words of Paul there, talking about the sort of battles we face every day. You know the sort of thing. Confronting those aspects in your own life where you are clearly weak. Battles of choice, battles of habit. Whether to take the easy way ... or the hard?

It's obvious, isn't it, the way we should be taking. But it is terribly hard. In fact, it's "uphill and against the wind" all the way.

Today's the day of our Sponsored Walk, so I'll leave you with that thought as I set out today with my colleagues. And I'll also leave you with our sponsorship link (in case you are interested)...

www.justgiving.com/DartfordSAMen

Five Steps To Freedom

“He who conquers others is strong; He who conquers himself is mighty” - Lao Tzu (Chinese philosopher)

I blogged the other day about setting a goal to break a habit. Most websites I have read on the subject have highlighted a series of steps that you need to take. Here's my summary of the advice I've found, taken as five steps. I don't claim to be an expect, just an interested amateur!

Awareness: First, you must admit that you have a problem. How is this habit affecting you, affecting others around you? Think objectively: why do you do it? Is there a hidden need within you that you are trying to fulfill? Think it through.

Wanting to Change: How can you beat something if you're not thoroughly determined to quit? You must convince yourself that breaking this habit is well worth the effort involved. Keep in mind how much better life would be once this issue is behind you...

Commitment: Make the decision. Whatever it takes. Seriously! If you want to regain control of your life, you need to commit to it.

Consistent Action: Take consistent daily action to break that bad habit, whilst at the same time taking action to develop a new one in its place. Remember to replace... the "cold turkey" approach (just suddenly quitting) is extremely stressful and for most people simply doesn't work.

Be sure to reward any positive steps taken towards changing a bad habit. Continual day-by-day actions are what are critical. Even if it's only one small step. It is all about being consistent. However, if you stumble, don't worry. Pick yourself up and start again tomorrow. It's only failure if you don't get up again!

Perseverance and Prayer: Stick at it! There will be times when you question whether it is all worth it; when you reach that brick wall; when you say to yourself that it's just too hard; that you are too 'weak' to change. That's where I would suggest you need God to step in. That's when you will require perseverance and prayer.

Pray through the points that you covered before; reviewing the rewards you are striving for, visualising how much better your life would be once rid of this habit. Draw on the Lord's strength.

While you work through these five steps - encourage yourself! Get support from others; read up about people who have been in similar situations and broke their bad habits. Keep positive!

(note: it's important here to make a clear distinction between habit and addiction. Please seek professional help if it is at all possible your issue is in any way an addiction.

Ditching That Bad Habit!

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit."- Aristotle (384-322 BC)

It is so easy for any of us to slip into a habit. Regular repetition of actions become habits, which, inevitably begin to shape our future. For example, the habitual gambler is therefore more likely to lose his house than the average man.

I'm reliably informed that the breaking a bad habit usually three weeks of dedicated effort. In difficult cases, it can take as long as a year! But it might take forever unless you commit yourself to change...

Many people try to conquer a bad habit or to start a good one at a particular time of year. The key to success? Commitment!

The habit I'm trying to ditch isn't a physical one, it's a particular mind-set - one that has been established for years. I'd overcome it for a while, but put me in the wrong situation and I'm back there again. I've seen a degree of success in this area this year, so now's the time to hit it head on and kill it off for good. I think Lent is the right time for me, for so many reasons. I am assured any bad habit can be eradicated if you commit yourself to the change.

I'll be looking at a few steps tomorrow which you could consider if you want to join me for these forty days of Lent. Prayer support would also be good!

Inheritance

Well, what a weekend! So many things happening, things to do, things to plan for, things to act on, things to pray for. What could I possibly blog about? The answer came on Sunday night, when I found myself in my daughter's bedroom, sitting on the floor, sorting out felt tip pens. How can one little girl have so many pens?

The answer is easy. Like so much, these things are inherited. A whole host of these pens were my son's, passed down in time to my daughter. Many were my own, from days past when I did art, sketching and cartooning. Doubtless some of these pens were also my wife's. I must have picked up well over two hundred of the things!

However, the hoarding instinct is also inherited. I'm terrifically bad at throwing away stuff, preferring to keep it just in case. I'm taking some steps to 'declutter' my life at present, and am working with my family to organise ourselves a little better.

It's not only things that get inherited. Behaviour can, too!

*Note to friends and family: no more felt tip pens! Thanks

Soldiership - part five: Addictions

"I will abstain from alcoholic drink, tobacco, the non-medical use of addictive drugs, gambling, pornography, the occult and all else that could enslave the body or spirit."

Arguably this is one of the most common aspects of Salvation Army soldiership ever brought up as a discussion point by non-christians. It seems to be a big deal... is is easier to define Salvationists by what we don't do rather that by what we do?*

Yet, have you ever personally known someone whose life had been wrecked through addiction to porn (I have)... someone who couldn't function in the morning without taking a shot of booze (I have)... someone who had to lie, cheat or steal in order to find their money for their fruit machine habit (I have). It's only when you get down to individual lives that you begin to see why Salvationists take such a hardline stand.

I believe the man in the street only wants to know these people as 'the down and out', 'the drunk', 'the gambler'. By their labels. Our way is to get to know them by name, to live alongside them, to show them there are other ways that you can live. That's why we seek to walk the path we do.

*If you want to know what I would rather they asked about, wait for part six...