U is for Ungrateful

Why are some people so discontent nowadays?

They seem to relish complaining about things. If they get something, it's rarely exactly what they want and they moan about it. They don't seem to see that there are others around us who have nothing.... there's simply no sense of gratitude for anything they possess. Whether this came from man or God...

But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people.
2 Timothy 3 1-5

An Attitude Of Gratitude

Why do some people stumble their way through life, lurching from crisis to crisis, enveloped in a cocoon of doom and gloom, with a (figurative) black cloud perpetually over their head?

And there are others that are quite the opposite. They seem to be full of boundless optimism, full of positive energy. They are - well - happy. And amazingly and genuinely so. Their positivity shines through!

What is their secret?

It's hardly what some people would call normal. Because these positive people are so rare nowadays.

But I'm assured that it is possible.

It's a question of attitude. And as a church we explored this briefly in our Sunday meeting at the Corps last week. And we were each given a challenge.

To sit down and to list three things to be thankful for at the end of each day.

I must admit, even I found it tough. We're surrounded by negativity all around us, so much so that such negativity starts to become second-nature to us. It doesn't need to be. On the first day I had to sit for a long time to come up with my list of three. There was no problem in getting the one. One is usually possible. But three? Regularly? Every single day? Even the days when everything seems to go wrong, when the computers crash, the trains are not running to time, that household appliance finally gives up and dies?

Yes. There will be something. Don't assume that your day (even if it has been awful) is truly all bad. There will be some positives to hold on too. And finding three isn't as hard as it sounds.

I'm told it's worth the effort. You see, without gratitude, happiness is rare. With gratitude, the odds for happiness go up dramatically.

And do you know what?

It's not only possible. It actually gets easier as the days progress. And you'll start to feel better..

Try it yourself! Count your blessings. Jot them down.

"Count your blessings, name them one by one,
Count your blessings, see what God has done!
Count your blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord has done."
(lyrics: Johnson Oatman, jr)

Good Things Out Of Bad

There's been a number of stray thoughts bashing about in my mind lately. I think it started with last week's blog post on gratitude, and stepped up a gear when our Corps house group began a bible study series on the book of James that same week. James 1 contains the following quote:
 

"My friends, be glad, even if you have a lot of trouble.  You know that you learn to endure by having your faith tested.  But you must learn to endure everything, so that you will be completely mature and not lacking in anything."
James 1:2-4 (CEV)
 

And so we are back again, looking at why 'bad things happen to good people'. Which is actually the wrong way of looking at it - because we now know that stuff happens to everyone - good and bad - and it all depends on how we react. How we roll with it.
 

I've been reading up on what happens when a destructive force suddenly changes the status quo, shakes up an otherwise calm situation. Yes, first there is chaos, disruption, even death. But, then there is change. People adapt, recover. And things do get better.
 

Would anyone recommend drastic, even catastrophic solutions to a static situation? No, of course not. That sounds terrible.
 

But often this turns out to be the best thing that could have ever happened.
 

The prime factor here? An urgent need for change.
 

That has got me thinking. Because people don't like change. And therefore things rarely change unless there is an urgent need for it. Sometimes it takes something extremely drastic - even catastrophic - to get some people to change...
 

And yet, change can bring growth. James was certain that difficulties in our lives carry so much potential to bring blessing, that he encourages us to rejoice, even if we are still in the midst of troubles.
 

Now, if only we could embrace change without the need for such disruption...

Having A Grateful Heart

I guess we all know someone who is ungrateful. They take what is given to them, and seem to take it all for granted. Never truly satisfied with life, they're often perpetually grumpy, continually beset with troubles and woes; upset with pretty much the entire world for the 'bad things' that happen to them.

And then there's the other extreme. Perhaps these folks may even endure exactly the same troubles and woes - but there is a difference. They always try to greet the world with a smile. They seem to be able to see the silver lining in their particular cloud.

What makes these two types of people so different?

It's not what happens to them - actually, it's how they react to what happens...

Unfortunately, bad things do happen, even to good people. What happens next is all up to us. We all have a choice - from moment to moment - as to how to react.  After a while these choices and our reactions become ingrained, become habitual. But there's good news - even long-standing habits can be broken!

I must admit that I went through a very dark time in my life - I was not in a good place for what I thought was a very long time. Some nasty things happened a few years ago, and I didn't handle it well. Large chunks of my life were filled with bitterness and resentment. The good news is - I got through that - in some sense, I'm still getting through it. It helped me to realise my absolute need to develop a well of gratitude in my life.

Carefully guard your thoughts because they are the source of true life.
Proverbs 4:23 (CEV)

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.
Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)

One quotation that I found on the internet I found useful. It said "an apple tree is not an apple tree because there are apples on it. There are apples on the tree because it is an apple tree." Profound. The problem lies within each of us - the heart is the issue. So that feeling of gratitude should come from our heart - literally, we should have a grateful heart.

Developing a grateful heart isn't easy. How can you be grateful, if the circumstances you are terrible? How can you fight large amounts of discouragement, even extremes such as sickness or even death? How can you be grateful 'in all circumstances' as scripture puts it? Surely, that's not possible. At worst, that is delusion, even denial.

Actually, gratitude is developing a positive mindset through which you can filter your experiences. And that, in my experience, is developed out of a personal relationship with Christ. It's only through the help of Jesus that we can win through. If you think that you are without hope, you are. However, I believe - I know - there is always hope. It takes time. I still don't get it right - I'm still fighting against those ingrained habits. But I'm getting there...

Gratitude is:

• looking at your own life experiences and finding a way to use it to help or support others
• believing that things can be different and that you can change even if only in a small way.

Gratitude is not:

• denying that you are suffering, or in pain
• being grateful for the suffering or pain

Finally, gratitude is a whole lot better than bitterness, which is destructive. Bitterness drives a wedge between ourselves and others, encouraging resentment of them  and "how we perceive their lives to be". Because - actually - other people's lives are never as good as you may think they are...

“Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle” ― J.M. Barrie

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

(1 Thessalonians 5:18 ESV)