21 May 2013

Dealing With Anger

I picked up a book at a Christian exhibition last week about anger*. It's a topic that I've blogged about before, something that I have struggled with, hence why I chose to read the book. It is an interesting read - already it has taught me a lot about the energy that is released through moments of high emotion. Not quite like they show it in the comics (see Jack Kirby's terrific illustration of the Incredible Hulk). But the whole subject of anger is something that I've been forced to study in some depth recently...

I felt tired on that particular afternoon, washed out, drained of energy, in pain with my knee, my ankle, my back. Yep, I had been overdoing it a bit! Long time readers to this blog will now that this happens from time to time...

An unfortunate event happened that afternoon; something that led to an extreme emotional response from me. I ranted, raved; really lost it big-time. However, in looking back on the whole unfortunate business afterwards to try and understand how I felt, I discovered that the experience filled me with new energy, new impetus. I was even pain-free for a short while. It was truly fascinating... how can something so wrong have such a right effect?

Well, my rational side concluded, I really need to look into this. I need to find some way to tap into this flow of hidden energy - without having to experience the down side, to 'lose it'...

Well, actually, it turns out I don't. Having read the first few chapters of the book, I realise now that it's not extra energy that I'm dragging up from somewhere - it's my natural energy level. The writer of this book revealed to me exactly how much of my own normal energy is being zapped by huge chunks of repressed anger - zapped by hurts that are there, just under the surface, all bottled up. I supposed it's a bit like a coiled spring which is under tension all of the time - it's a strain for me to keep everything going, an effort to keep it in, trying to stop it all spilling out. If I didn't have to bottle this up, could I have all this sort of energy on tap, all of the time?

The natural energy levels I used to have as a young man; the enthusiasm, the love of life. That is how God made me. That is how I used to be. That's how God created me. And that's who I need to find again, buried deep within me. And now it is time to deal with this, once and for all.

More later...

*The book is called "Healing Life's Hurts" by Graham Bretherick (Monarch Books).  The subtitle on the cover says this can 'make your anger work for you'. 

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