Let Me Be Patient ...

Selected lyrics from "Tell Him", a song by Lauryn Hill. Songwriter: Andy Colline

 

Too much or not enough?

This week's post is going to cover a topic that I have been struggling with for a few months. How much is "enough"?

My personal commitments to my church ministry and to the wider mission field (Street Pastors, Cold Weather Shelter) have been made increasingly difficult due to my current health. I've struggled through things over the last six months and managed to keep things going, but it has certainly had a toll on me. Falling over and twisting my ankle in March didn't help...

My family have been telling me to slow down. They think I do too much. That's probably good advice. But I don't want to consider stopping. 

Am I being selfish? I have asked myself that question over and over again. And I think I got the answer last night...

Whilst out on a Street Pastors patrol on Good Friday, I got into a deep conversation with a guy outside one of the venues. He couldn't understand why I wanted to be out at 2am. When I told him I did it so he could feel safe, his attitude changed. Why would I do that for him?

Why did my Lord give His life for me, so many years ago? So that I could show His love, His compassion,  to others.

As much as I can. For as long as I can.

Whom Do You Serve?

It's not a trick question. It's actually a very important one that we all need to ask ourselves every once in a while. I found myself having to ask myself the very same question today. And it wasn't easy to listen to the answer!

Plus, it's a tough one - particularly if you consider yourself to be selfless. If you'd like to think that helping others is right at the centre of what you do.

Because the selfless person runs the risk of pleasing people more than pleasing God.

I'm not just saying this to be self-deprecating. It's simply a case of clear vision. And of trying to be content with God’s own assurance of me, of us.

It's all tied up with the concept of working out how you are shaped.  It's in knowing that God has wired each of us in a certain way, and you can use it for good.

If God has gifted you with uplifting words, then use it to build up others, by encouraging. If you are good with your hands, then use it to build things, to repair things.

However, central to everything must be your relationship with God. If not, then you're only trying to please people. And, trust me, only a small minority will ever be grateful, will ever respond.

If you have "people-pleasing" as your goal, you're not really thinking of serving other people. Instead, you’re thinking of how to get them to like you. And you'll be let down.

So, turn this around. Don't think about pleasing others, think about serving others.

Joshua 24:15 (The Message)
“If you decide that it’s a bad thing to worship God, then choose a god you’d rather serve — and do it today. Choose one of the gods your ancestors worshipped from the country beyond The River, or one of the gods of the Amorites, on whose land you’re now living. As for me and my family, we’ll worship God.”

Alone, But Not Lonely

"I think it's very healthy to spend time alone. You need to know how to be alone and not be defined by another person." - Oscar Wilde

As I take a long, hard look at myself and my personal influence on this world (part of what we were asked to do in Vision and Commitment Sunday), what is increasingly obvious to me that I'm someone who actually needs periods of time alone. It's more than just 'enjoying my own company' - it's beneficial. I use the time to recharge my emotional batteries. Batteries that are quickly drained in real life, dealing with crowds of people. It's vital for me to regain my balance. I'll read, listen to music, catch up on TV, write, blog. Finding things to do when you're alone is not a problem.

After sufficient recharging time, I come out from my corner, fighting fit, ready to face another day. How long does it take to recharge? It varies - just like your mobile phone, you need to check on it from time to time. A couple of hours, the rest of the day. As for me, I'm not quite so bright if I'm running on half a charge. If I haven't had enough 'me-time'.

I don't have problems with alone. What I have difficulties with being considered lonely.

There's a big, big difference.

Loneliness is a feeling of isolation, an increasing realisation that when it comes to the crunch, "the buck stops here" and there's no-one else in your corner, there's no-one else to turn to. It's having no peers, no like-minded friends. (Or, no-one at that moment.) It's those cases when you need meaningful social contact, and yet you are unable to get any.

Aloneness is different. Aloneness is freedom. There's a strange sense of calm that comes from relaxing in your own company. You don't have to be on guard any more. Being alone is settling down with a box set of DVDs and working through the box. Or curling up with a good book - or several. It's having an evening off with absolutely no other plans made. Sure, you give of yourself most nights of the week, volunteering for this, that and the other. You're that strange, selfless individual. Well,  tonight's your night. You can be selfish once in a while. Nobody needs to come to save you from being alone, because you don’t want them to. Because you don’t need to be saved.

I want to be alone. I don't want to be lonely.

Does that make sense?

Divergent: What Makes You Different, Makes You Dangerous

One movie this year has contained themes that have continued to make me think, long after the film was over. This was 'Divergent', based on the book by Veronica Roth. Although opening to mixed reviews from the press, there's something in the storyline that has appealed to me.

As the story opens, we discover that society in post-apocalyptic Chicago has been fragmented into five factions, each based on a particular virtue:

• Abnegation (the selfless)
• Amity (the peaceful)
• Candor (the honest)
• Dauntless (the brave)
• Erudite (the intelligent). 

We follow Beatrice, who is born into the Abnegation faction, but never really feels that she completely fits in. However, there's a big choice coming up. At the age of 16, all young people are tested to see which faction suits them best. And you can choose - you can stay in your faction, or switch factions. The problem? Switch, and there’s no switching back. Also, once you switch, you leave your family and friends behind.

The test changes everything for Beatrice. She's told that she ranks for three virtues, not just one. She’s a Divergent - and therefore dangerous. Hiding her true nature, she quickly chooses to switch to Dauntless, renaming herself Tris. She soon begins to unravel a mystifying plot to bring down the whole society.

The author has written three books in the series - I'm currently getting hold of the trilogy and will be working my way through them soon. I suspect these will be well worth a read!

Are you a Divergent?