6 July 2016

Why Are You Angry?

I'm afraid I have to come back to that horrible subject again.
The subject? Anger.

And I keep asking myself the question - why is it that I keep finding myself coming back to this topic so often in this blog? What have I still to learn? What piece of the jigsaw have I yet to find?

Now, I know that some people think anger is simply a violent and explosive outburst.

Not usually for me. In my experience it's more inwards, a seething caldron of negativity. It festers, it lies there dormant, just under the surface. If I blow, it's usually after a few hours (even days!) fuming quietly to myself. How apt is the phrase, "The straw that breaks the camel's back." How horrible, if you're the one laying the straw...

I read the following quote today:
“Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”
There’s a truth here.

So what am I angry at, at the moment?

* The tragic loss of a young life
* people who I know well who have lost their jobs in a recent reorganisation. I'm sad for them, going to miss them... 
* my own experience of what must be "survivor's guilt" as I still retain my job
* strong negative comments posted on Facebook from some close friends which threaten to pull me down. Why do they post such hateful things?
* thoughtless acts by people who should know better...

One way that people have recommended that I deal with this sort of anger is to "detach yourself from the emotion of anger itself... switch off and wait until the anger dissipates...."

Sorry, that doesn't work for me. I've tried it. It just leaves me numb. To all feelings, pleasure or pain...

I need to rid myself of the anger, not just the feelings. Praying into this tonight...

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